Mar 152011

Tonight was frustrating. I started out at an event hosted by an awesome friend, and I half drop by just to see her.. and half drop by because it’s free food and I’m poor.

Anyway, I run into this girl that I know.. who says we must go drinking together and that she’s all mine tonight. Next thing I know she’s agreeing to stay for drinks, and putting me off.. making me wait.. wait .. wait.. OH and there’s this girl I don’t know that we’re waiting for.. before we can go “party”.


Well it turns out the waiting was worth it as we ended up at a free party I wouldn’t have attended otherwise. Free Drinks. Free Food. Free Ice Cream.

Yes, if I haven’t gained 10 pounds from all the “free” stuff this SXSW I’ll be shocked.

Anyway, she introduces me to a ton of people… half of which I don’t remember now.

Anyway, I go to refresh my drink (for free mind you.. how awesome is that? – Thanks Google btw, oh and for the free glow in the dark glass) and in front of me a guy turns around and starts to talk to me.

Then he starts to flirt, and when I ask, he says he’s alone as his other compatriots have left for other venues. So I introduce him to our “crowd” as it was.

He spends the entire time talking only to me. He mentions having had a profile recently on OkCupid, and I mention that I have one as well.

It comes time to refresh drinks, and he asks to refresh mine, but I decide to just go with him. I’m nice like that.. plus I wanted alone time with him.

He was geeky. An IT lawyer. Cute. Smart. And loved Office Space and could quote the Princess Bride. (I wanted to lock him in the nearest basement)

We talk about my work, and he says clearly several times that he needs “private tutoring” in a flirty joking but not really joking flirt.

We refill our drinks and return the group. Most of the group then decides to go to a bar far far away, so Geek-lawyer, Mike and I stay.

As things go.. we run into some friends of mine. They greet me with open arms.. they’re also all male.. and they’re also completely platonic friends. But Mr Lawyer doesn’t know that.

Hee heee heeee

Anyway, eventually I tell Mr Lawyer off to the side that these guys are friends of mine and that they’re like little brothers to me.

He obviously relaxes. No question about it, he sighs relief.

The party and free booze has ended, so we head to the next “free booze” party. He makes a point to stay by my side the entire way and look out for me.

We get there.. and I run to the toilet. The last party only had portapotties so I was waiting for real toilets and crossing my legs.

I get back, and he’s waiting for me. I grab a free drink, and we tackle the party together. We spent most of the time talking one on one.

At one point though, he points out a “nemesis” which is talking to a friend of mine. So I break up that conversation.

Nemesis and Lawyer end up in a conversation.

Nemesis: “Yes the wife and I…” blah blah blah-bity-blah “How about you? Any kids?”

Lawyer “yes, I have a 6 yr old and an 18 month old” (this is the first he’s brought up kids and he seems to be watching my expression for “running away” looks.)

He doesn’t mention a wife, but merely mentions kids.. so I’m good.

It’s shortly after this point that I realize this guy is being awfully attentive without being handsy. Which is usually a good sign that a guy is used to relating to women within the confines of a committed relationship. He was always checking in with me, and making sure I was happy.

I did have a guy be attentive and handsy… and Mr Lawyer seemed quite in a rush to part me from that guy (that guy was hotter than Lawyer btw).

But I realize.. despite giving Lawyer several opportunities to touch me or take things to another level.. he doesn’t and seems to avoid it.

It is then I start to pay attention to his hands and look for the ring.

His ring hand suddenly always seems to be in his pocket and when it was visible it was behind his other hand. Odd.

We head to another party. We’re crossing a busy street and he lags behind.

Suddenly he shows up beside me and offers me a gold bangle-bracelet. “Here this is a symbol of my undying love for you.”

I know full-well he just saw it on the street and picked it up to give to me. He actually risked getting run over by a car to do it as well.

It was a sweet gesture, and I gladly put it on my wrist.. pretending to believe his claim of undying love as all good flirty girls who have been plied with free alcohol do.

Then we get to the next bar. I’d been standing non-stop for nearly 5 hours, so I took a seat. He asked if I wanted anything.

“Spaten Dunkel.. if they have it.”

He said they did.. but never ordered it. He got caught up in conversation with some stranger.

I went to the toilet. When I came back he was glad to see me, and wanted to make sure I wasn’t being neglected. I put him at ease, and got distracted talking to someone else. He moved off in a conversation with someone else as well.

Then I decide .. F’this.. Lets see what he does.

So I walk over and boldly put my arm around his waist through the “arm hole” he’s made by putting his hand in his pocket. He doesn’t complain, but also never removes his hand from his pocket nor puts his arm around me.

At this point, I am watching like a hawk for this ring. Sure enough, I finally see it.

He never took it off, just was very good at always having that ring finger out of sight. He continued to hide his hand the rest of the night, until Mike, Lawyer, some other girl, and I left looking for pizza. (or at least thats what Lawyer said he wanted to find.)

We end up going a few doors down to another bar. Lawyer & Mike get our drinks, while the girl & I sit down at a table.

Lawyer: “What would you like to drink? Vodka on the rocks, right?” (He gets bonus points for actually wanting to buy me a drink, and for listening… it’s an attractive trait in any man.)

Me: “Aww thanks, but just water please.” (It was nearly 2am when the bars close, and I needed to drive home.)

He and Mike return to the table with 3 shots and my water, only Lawyer doesn’t sit next to me, he sits next to the girl. Mike sits next to me, and both of them pay complete attention to this girl.

I watch Lawyer’s hands to see if he slips up again with his always absent left hand. The girl is sitting on his right, and for the first 10 minutes we sat there, his left hand stayed in his pocket out of sight.

Then suddenly, Lawyer and the girl are holding hands for a second. Then he brings out his left hand.

It had to be on purpose. It had been so elusive all night, and suddenly now its making a big display as he clasps his hands before him and rests them on the table making certain that his left hand is out for full view of the ring on his finger.

It’s now 2am and we get kicked out of the bar. I barely get a “nice to meet you” as he walks away. Doesn’t even bother to walk me to my car, or linger at all. Just waves and walks away.

The Ceelo song runs through my mind… “Fuck you.. and uh, Fuck her too!”

(Seriously if you’re going to pretend all fucking night that we’re awesome friends and inseparable, at least have the decency to act like a good friend at least when we part goodnight.)

Feb 132011

I really need this t-shirt

Yesterday was a long day, so long of a day that by the time evening rolled around I was ready to just lay down and sleep.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t as one of my clients was having a party, and so I needed to go for good client relations.

My last few parties with this client were hosted by other people and have been wine parties where people brought their own wine, snacks, etc. It tended toward the high end with finer palates, quiet music, and fancy food.

She however hosted this party, and lives with a couple musicians, and she’s learning to become one herself.  So I knew it would be a little different, but I had no idea exactly what to expect.

The invite said to bring wine or BYOB, and something to pair with it. So I did.

I arrive, and I hear music blaring. Fortunately it was good music. A few friends of the roommates’ were jamming. It was pretty cool, but a little loud.

It’s crowded, and as my eyes adjust to the light I realize what I’ve brought is of a much finer fare than was needed. 90% of the crowd is early twenties and either in college or just out of it.

The little “food” table was filled with the oversized bottles of cheap wines. You know the bottles you used to buy in college? They were essentially two bottles of wine bottled in one big bottle, just  a step above Boones Family Farms.  The food selection was off-brand Doritos, some unknown source of salsa and what I believe might have been hummus.  So when I put down my assorted cheese plate of Gouda, Swiss, Aged Cheddar, and Havarti, people swarmed.  And my good wine, despite it only having cost $10, was gone in a matter of minutes.

I did however make a very good impression, and got a huge “Thank You” from one of the young girls for bringing something resembling actual food.  She was starving.

A few of our mutual friends were there. I believe we were called the “Old People”, and most of them left soon after I’d arrived.  There’s only so much “returning to college” that we old people can handle.

So when Lissa asked me if I wanted to go find a bar to party at, I said yes.

The room was filled with hot young men… talented hot young men… but emphasis on young.  The music was good, but so loud no one could talk without shouting. It honestly was a party that I would have killed to attend 15 years ago.  As it turns out, 15 years is enough time to have grown old, finicky, and a party pooper.

We said goodbye to the host, and went to a bar nearby.

We enter the Karaoke room of the bar hoping to find something entertaining. We do. There are two very cute mid-30’s men and we strike up a conversation. It was fun, but they talk like they’re married. Never actually saying it, but the conversation doesn’t get any deeper than superficial.

We go to the bar to refresh our drinks, and meet “Mr I’m not looking to get laid”.. which was seriously his opening line (it was either that or he said “I’m not looking to get all up in ya, I just want to hang out.” I can’t really remember exactly).  He seemed like a nice guy, and I believed him that he was looking for a real relationship. He had that lonely desperation scent of a man who just wanted someone to love him. Unfortunately for him that was about all he had interesting about him, and instead of refreshing our drinks, we decided to move on to another bar.

The next bar, we belly up to the bar and find ourselves ignored by the bartenders. Worst service ever. However our company was pretty good.

We ended up sitting next to a man who had made friends with half the bar. I end up flirting with him, and he starts pointing out these friends of his (only to find out later he’d just met them that night) to help vouch for him.  I was teasing him and pretending not to believe him about this woman who was obviously too drunk, and whom he claimed was “crazy”.  So crazy that he would not get within 4 feet of her.

So I made his friends come over from across the room to help explain things, and vouch for him. Yes, thats how I roll.. men come from across the room to talk to me.

Actually, I believe they were pulling man-code and trying to help poor Luis get laid. Luis was a decent looking guy, but mostly just entertainment fodder for me. I was more interested in meeting his “friends” and just having fun at the bar.

Then Luis pointed out Billy as someone he was buddies with, and waved to him from across the bar. Billy looked up at us, and I made “come here” signs with my hand… demanding signs… and probably demeaning signs as if I was entitled to just motion and expect obedience.

Billy smiled, and then made gestures telling me to go to him. I shook my head, smiled, and repeated my gesture telling him to come to me.  He insisted that I go to him by making his gesture larger. I in turn made my gesture larger, and more staccato, thus upping this game of “no seriously come here”.  As a good boy, he finally came over to me and Luis.

“You called?” He said smiling, while cocking his head to the side and raising one eyebrow in curiosity.

He stood on one side of me, and Luis on the other. So when I went to answer him, I had to turn my back to Luis.

“Well Luis here, is trying to convince me that that girl is crazy.”

Billy’s eyes follow where I’m meaning, widen, and his gaze returns to me.

“Oh yeah, she’s crazy.” He says with obvious meaning of “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole”

The girl is normal looking, drunk, and relatively hot.  So she had to be really unhinged. Lissa however was talking to her and making friends.

I introduce Lissa to Billy, and Lissa says hello, and tries to defend the girl, but gets pulled back into talking to the girl.

“You know thats one of the best things about Lissa,” I tell Billy, “She’s one of those really nice people that makes friends with anyone.”

Billy and I banter back and forth forever. Seriously he is the male version of me with a bit more extroversion. Snarky, a very good judge of character, and honest to nearing the point of rudeness… without ever meaning to be actually offensive. I loved it!

Many of my friends now are in very new-agey love-everyone no-one-has-faults kind of religious/spiritual beliefs.  Saying things like “OMG that girl is bat-shit crazy.” to them pretty much gets me the ‘scolding eye’ of ‘tsk tsk you shouldn’t judge people’…

So talking with Billy was pretty damn awesome.

He invited Lissa and I to visit him where he works and he’d buy us a beer. I may just take him up on that.

Nov 162010

The other night I actually went out. Yes yes you can stop gasping in semi-faux shock now. Also, I’m starting to want to date again.  So yes that also means I’m feeling better.

Now back to the story!

After two days of ditching outings that I hadn’t really committed to, but planned to go to anyway, I really needed to get out of the house if only just to prove to myself that I could in fact get out of the house.

Plus it was an outing with Huew for the icing on the cake.

It ended up being the best night I’ve had in a long while and yet left me feeling very sad at the end. It is probably a good example of why I am still single.

The event was at a club that I really want to love as it’s based on a part of my cultural heritage that isn’t very well represented in Austin, but every time I’ve gone there its been either boring because no one is there or boring because you can’t move or talk to people because its too crowded. The layout leaves a lot to be desired.

The place was empty with the exception of our group. Huew greeted me as is his job as host, and we talked for a while. We talked with others, each other, and more to each other. We engaged in sexy banter.. which I clearly got the impression that I am not his type, and yet he swung it back to maybe I am.

Let me explain:
He saw this girl getting out of a booth not far away. She was dressed in a red/black bustier with itty bitty lace skirt and leggings. She was a larger woman with big breasts, so there was a whole ton of skin showing in the chest area. The bustier was also not well fitted for such a large bosom, and gave the impression that the boobs could roll out at any moment, but they did not.

He said, “Woah
I replied, “What’s wrong?
He did his best not to look back at her, but said, “That’s just too much”
I teased, “What you don’t like that?” (I knew full well what he was getting at, but I wanted him to say it.)
He said, “Not…*verbal fumbling*..
I again teased, “Oh sure, well.. I’ll just have to remember not to wear that when you’re around, its ok.
He smiled, “Well, at home you do right?
I laughed “Oh of course, all the time. But it’s be too much for you.
He tried to back track, “Well in public.. and well.. on.. ”
I shot him a quizzical look.
Maybe on someone smaller it’d be ok.
(Ah see there’s the gist of it.) I attempted to not look offended. The woman, other than nearly spilling out of her top, looked fan-freaking-tastic, and I admired her courage to wear it.
Uh huh… I’ll just remember not to wear such things when you’re around.” I threw in a smile and a slight wink for good humor.
well maybe for a costume party or something it’d be ok.. and of course at home

The conversation was interrupted at that point by drunk skinny chick which Huew informed me had barely had one cocktail. Which lead to Huew and I sharing drunk stories. Huew blacks out if drunk enough. I just often wish I would have; there are things I do drunk that I’d rather not remember I did.

The party then moves to another location suggested to us by the party girl. I really don’t like this girl. She’s nice. So I don’t really have any reason to dislike her personally, but she’s one of those girls that preys on men. She has to have a man. If she doesn’t bring one, she’ll find one there. She’ll get them all to buy her drinks, and do things for her. She never drives anywhere. A mutual friend of ours has told me that she’ll call everyone she knows and make up stories so she doesn’t have to drive. (I suppose in a way I’m probably jealous of her tenacity at selfishness.)

We get there, and we all place ourselves at a small table. We’d lost a few people in the transition, but there were a good seven or eight of us left. I sit down, and Huew sits next to me. We talk a bit and flirt. He complains because the band isn’t on yet, and that we’d arrived during a break. I told him that it was a good time to get to know everyone in the group. He saw my point, but replied.

But I already know you.
No you don’t.
Well, we’re friends on Facebook. So I know you.

I fake sighed and pretended to be offended that he thought getting to know me was boring. He tried to dig himself out of that hole. He of course was flailing and failing at that.

Well we can switch seats if you want, so you can get to know her” I offered as I pointed to the girl next to me.
He smiled, “No no, you’re ok where you are.
I looked at him feigning  frustration. “Ok, so really, you’re just not going to stop complaining until the band comes on?
He smiled and replied, “well yeah
I laughed. “Alright, then to even things out, I’m going to start complaining once the band comes on. You know, for balance.”
He laughed.

The band came on, and it wasn’t his kind of music. It was 40’s & 50’s R&B. Stuff I like. Well mostly stuff I like to sing to, but still stuff I like. So he still bitched, but I ignored his complaints and enticed him out on the dance floor.

It was then I got hit on. A nice bald man was dancing with one of the other girls from our group and she introduced us. He seemed all over me like I was the most beautiful women in the room. He then offered to buy us drinks. She ordered a vodka cranberry, and I wanted a vodka on the rocks. He then leaned in and asked what vodka I wanted. I nearly said “Any is fine” but thought better. My luck he’d bring me back some Absolut which I just cannot abide. So I said, “The well here isn’t bad, either that or Ketel One.” He told me that he wouldn’t subject me to well vodka but that he’d be back with Ketel One.

So I figured he really liked me, or he was crazy. A few minutes later after I thought he’d headed to the bar, he was again dancing with the other girl a few feet from me.

I thought, “Yeah, I’m betting he’s crazy”

I didn’t take long to ponder it, as they ran into me again, and he went off to get us drinks. As soon as he left, we were surrounded by two other men wanting to dance with us. They were hot, sexy, and educated. So, hot hot and hot. They were a ton of fun, then Baldy came back with our drinks. And yes, mine was filled with Ketel One.

As soon as Baldy returned though, he escorted the other girl to be alone dancing with him. My crazy alarm went off. I sidled up next to her and whispered for her to be careful with him, and then was spun away into a slow dance with Mr Hot Hot and Hot.  I haven’t slow danced in ages. It was a blast.

After the dance was over, I went to go check on Huew and the others since I’d not seen them in a while. (yeah probably why I’m single)  They’re in another part of the club that is playing rock tunes, and they decide it’s time to leave.

It’s about then that the “other girl” shows up. The one Baldy had swept away. She sees me and runs over.

OMG, you’ve got a sixth sense. He was fucking crazy. I left him to dance with someone else and he wigged out and tried to make me stay with him and started stalking me.” She went on telling me that she’d used Mr Hot Hot and Hot (and his friends) as cover/safety, until Baldy finally went away.

Seriously, any dude that insists on paying premium liquor prices when given the option for cheaper for a stranger that’s just friends with the girl he wants.. crazy assed bastard.

So we run back to the club we were at before. There’s a few more people there, but barely. We hit the dance floor, and I get hit on. (It’s like there’s a sign on my head, “Just back into dating” its possible it could be a “Needs to get laid” sign, but I don’t think I was giving that vibe no matter how true it is.)

His name is Brad, and my lack of interest made him disappear. *POOF* (again, probably why I’m single)

However, not long after that is when Louis showed up. He was cute. Mexican cute. He had that geeky aura, and honestly was right my type.

He was there with his best girlfriend. He explained that she’d just gotten through a bad breakup and he was trying to cheer her up.

Had she not been there, had he not made excuses for why he was with her, had Huew not been there, I’d have been all over Louis. (yes probably another reason I’m single)

Instead, I got into their business. He introduced me to Claudia (pronounced Cloud-ia), and I bent to whisper in her ear, “You know he’s into you right?

She replied back scoffing at the idea, “No, I’m pretty sure he’s into you.

You’re wrong. He really likes you. That’s why he’s here right now.

She didn’t believe me, and she asked him. His initial response was shock, back peddling, and then almost denial.

Oh don’t try to deny it. One or both of you has a thing for other. Ooo Or maybe.. have you two already dated once?

They both quickly said they hadn’t dated. He had met her while she was dating someone else.

Ok, well then.. sorry Louis to out you like this, but Claudia he likes you. I think you like him too. You’re going to have to deal with this sometime.

I go back to dancing. Louis goes back to hitting on me, and I give him just enough encouragement to keep him there.

Then Claudia whispers to me, “You know I think he really likes you.”

I stop dancing turn around, and whisper to her. “Girl, I’ve seen this before. I’ve been there done that from where I am and from where you are. If you like him, you need to take him now before someone like me snatches him up.

They disappeared shortly after that.

About a half hour later, our group decides to leave. Huew is hungry and we decide to go to this 24 hour diner that isn’t far away. That’s when the other guy backs out and says he’s just going home. The other girl left also decides to go home. Huew and I try to talk them into going.

They firmly decline and since they were parked near each other, they walked to their cars together.

Huew and I were parked near each other, and so we walked to our cars together as well.

As we’re walking, we talk about the night and how it went. It comes to the point where he wants to veer off course to his car.

Where are you parked?
Just over there..” I point.
Are you ok making it there by yourself?
Sure. You still wanting to get something to eat?” I say hopefully.
Naw, I’ll just grab some Jack in the Box or something.
Oh ok” I try to say as if it didn’t matter to me.

This is how I know we’re just friends. No guy who likes a girl would refuse to spend one on one time with her while it was still in the non-pressure non-date setting.

Guess I can hope that Louis and Claudia don’t work out, and he *poofs* into my path again.

Nov 102010

Geek FixLast night I went to this geek meeting. It was for audio-visual web geeks, and while its not my forte I figured I could learn something… because its not my forte.

Also a guy from one of my other regular geek meetings hosts the group and has been inviting me to go to this group for ages now. I figured I’d give it a shot.

I arrive late as usual. I planned on getting there on time, but last minute someone asked me something important online and I lost track of time.

I arrive just as this other guy is arriving. He looks ubergeeky. You know the kind that dresses all in black, because its easier than trying to match colors. You look at him and you’re pretty sure he was either drunk or high, maybe both, the night before and probably the night before that and the night before that. You’re also pretty sure if you mention any kind of computer issue that he can not only diagnose the problem, but probably also has a spare part or replacement software in his apartment.

I thought to myself.. This is going to be a good group!

Due to our impeccable timing, we walk in together. Turns out it was both of our first times in the group, which our simultaneously late arrival made it look like we arrived together. I took one look at the other people there and figured if they thought we’d arrived together it was a compliment.

First, there was a host. Honestly, I can’t say anything bad about him. He’s like a grandpa; sweet, well-meaning, and simply just excited that people showed up.

Then there was another ubergeek. Unlike the guy I walked in with, this ubergeek bore the scent of someone who still lives with his mother. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but interested I wasn’t so if he thought I was with someone it didn’t bother me.

Next was… Hmm how do I describe him? Oh yes, let me make him a name tag. “I’m newly divorced after having been married for 20 yrs, and all the life has been sucked out of me. I’m now starting a business and know nothing about what this web stuff is. Can you help me?”

There was an even later show, a girl. She talked like she was 23 and just out of college, but she had a few wrinkles that made me think she was in her 40’s. Her hair was in partial dreadlocks and partial bedhead with streaks of bright blue dye. I thought about looking for track marks, but she had on long sleeves.

Then there was the piece de resistance!  A business woman. Not an Austin business woman, which would look more like the aforementioned girl, but a serious serious business woman. She wore a suit in forest green that called for the 80’s back, and had an attitude of money grubbing.  I’d met her once before and didn’t have a good impression. This meeting though cemented her in the category of “Avoid at all costs”.

She was obviously not a geek. The entire meeting any time we’d get a good conversation going about anything geeky and interesting, she’d interrupt and start talking about business, business needs, marketing, and money.

Funny enough, as most men do with strong opinionated women, the men tried to politely assuage her concerns without actually making their point clear. I know she wasn’t getting the point because she’d then expound on her topic which most of the rest of us could care less about.

I however have no qualms about opinionated women. I grew up in a household of opinionated women, and I wasn’t about to be bulldozed or let another promising geek group be ruined. So every time she’d open her mouth, I’d politely disagree with her. It didn’t take long for the guys to side with me.

Dear business women, if you want to learn marketing, business marketing for online, online video marketing.. please go to a damn marketing meeting. There are tons of them in town. I know because I’m an attendee of most of them. But don’t you be screwing with my geek learning groups, I will hunt you down. Sincerely, Maruska

The woman had alienated the geeks of the group. I feel pretty safe in saying that she will lose this war.

On the way out, I got to talk with the geek with which I’d arrived. He gave me kudos for speaking my mind. He’s actually pretty cute, though he reminds me too much of my college years.

We talked for quite a while. Funny thing, he talked initially about comic books. He said he’d hoped this group would be more about having a few drinks, talking digital A/V and comics. He too was looking for a good geek group.

We exchanged numbers, and he wants to do coffee sometime. I could use a good geek fix. 🙂

Oct 042010

The other night I was out helping a friend celebrate their birthday. I’m using the term “friend” loosely as I am not that close with this girl, but she’s a great gal and a lot of fun and runs in some of the same circles as me… a circle that I’ve sorely neglected as of late (and by late, I mean I’ve not been out in that circle but maybe once in the last 6 months).  So I had some catching up to do.

Anyway… in the party of us was this guy.  I could tell he was friends with her and not really anyone else.. or else he was really damn shy. Later I realized the former was the truth, as well as the later.

He was roughly 6’2, larger built but not Dom DeLuise yet anyway. His face was attractive, but his hair was longer between chin and shoulder length.. not something I generally find attractive, but it didn’t look stupid on him so I could live with it. He gave off this aura of either being extremely geeky – like sexy geeky – or that he was a stupid pot-addled buffoon. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference with certain men.

Initially we weren’t in the position to talk to each other, trapped on opposites sides of a seated table, so I had to wait to find out if he was geeky or a buffoon. I spied on him at the short distance, watching his motions and gestures, and his seeming inability or maybe lack of desire to talk to anyone but the birthday girl.

Then we moved the party to a club. On the way there, I managed to find out that he was in fact just a friend of the birthday girl. A friend friend. They might have had some kind of history, but it was definitely historical, buried deep like an ancient tome if there had been something there at one time.

So I took that as a green light to safely flirt with him should the occasion arise. And it did.

Shortly after arriving at the new location, I found myself in a one on one conversation with him. It wasn’t a long conversation, but he was flirting (feeling me out) and I was doing the same. Somewhere about 3 minutes into the conversation, I got bored.. distracted actually by the birthday girl.. and the conversation ended.

I had gotten this “don’t date him” vibe from talking with him as well. I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I was still half-interested… And then…

Before I continue, let me just back up and tell you about our surroundings.

We’re at a club/bar. People are getting a little buzzed and starting to dance. Near to us there is a bachelorette party where a woman (clearly in her late 30’s) is wearing a hootchie-mama dress, and so drunk off her ass that she was doing less dancing and more of a rhythmic stumbling while playing grab-ass with anyone nearby. By anyone.. I do mean ANYONE. Guy, Girl, Trans, Gay, Straight… if it had a heartbeat, she was on it.

Just so you all know.. she was not the “bride” but just one of the girls in the party.

Anyway, I ended the conversation with the guy to go spend some time with my friend, and do some more catching up. It was her birthday after all.

Next thing I know, he has moved over closer to the drunk slut and starts to dance with her.

Dear Men.. if you are at all interested in a girl, and in front of her you run off to some drunken chick with the morals and self-restraint of pre-paid whore… I guarantee you that girl will not want to ride you ever. (if for no other reason, the diseases you might be carrying if you’re that “selective”)

Turns out the girl was married, and her friends were not letting her actually run off with a guy. I’m not sure which I felt more sorry for.. her, her friends, or her husband.  Hopefully she’s in one of those open relationships or that her husband actually gets off on hearing about her being slutty in public. I’m just going to pretend that it was all a performance to turn her husband on.

But, that wasn’t the end of it… Drunk Girl found her way over to me.

I am not.. and have never been.. a touchy feely girl-on-girl kinda girl. (Sorry guys) My physical interactions with girls is the same as most straight men’s interactions with other straight men. A hug with shoulders but nothing else touching is about as far as it goes.

So as she made her way in my direction, I tried to move out of her way. I didn’t want to have a scene. But she kept coming, and grabbed my hand trying to pull me out on the dance floor with her. I’d seen her dancing style with the other girls. It was full-body contact grinding, sex-with-clothes-on kinda dancing. I wasn’t about to join her on the dance floor, so I pulled my hand back.

She didn’t want to take “No” for an answer. She tried turning on the drunk charm. She was physically a hot woman, and she wasn’t holding back. The more she tried, the more I felt sick at the sight of her.  At one point, she attempted to caress my face with her hand, which I being sober and her being drunk, I managed to dodge quite effectively. She called me a prude, and I felt complimented. She didn’t come after me again.

However, at the end of the night.. Geek-Buffoon-Guy did attempt to get closer to me. Flirting. Attempting to charm me. But after seeing his attempts to get into the short shirt of Drunk Girl, all I could smell was “Eau De Desperation” on him.

I’d rather be celibate.

Sep 052010

So… I went out on this date last night. Well I think it was a date? A “meet & greet” so to speak. I probably should have canceled.. but I couldn’t in good conscience.

See.. we’d been trying to get together for a month now, and every time he’d ask me to join him somewhere.. I was busy. No no.. not dodging him busy, but actually had real plans already set up that I couldn’t get out of for one reason or another.

So when he asked me about this weekend and my schedule was completely empty for once, I told him he had first choice of when we’d meet. I planned on being there with bells on after the pain in the ass I’d been so far.

Then yesterday morning happened.

I woke feeling like crap. My stomach hurt like I’d eaten something rotten. I checked my calendar, and according to schedule, I wasn’t due for the monthly visit for a couple more days. Phew.

So I get up and run to the toilet thinking that I must just have gotten into something bad the night before and tried to jog my brain on what it might be.

No no.. no such luck. I’d started my monthly. Gotta love timing. Somebody somewhere really loves me.

The first day of my monthly .. at least 6 hours of it usually.. is spent in horrid pain. Normally I just cancel any plans I’ve made for that day which would require me to be happy, charming, and fun. Because:

A. I’m either going to still be in excruciating pain, and I’m not that great of an actress to be happy and charming while I feel like a gerbil is ripping up my insides.

B. I’m going to be unbelievably exhausted from the 6 hours of a gerbil ripping up my insides, and find it impossible to be charming while quelling the urge to curl up in the nearest chair and sleep.

So I really debated canceling my date. But since I’d been such a pain in the ass to make plans with in the first place, I couldn’t imagine him believing me that I needed to cancel without him taking it personally.

So I didn’t cancel.  My pain wore off about 2 hours before we were to meet, and I was exhausted. I was walking around my apartment trying to get ready with all the ability of a zombie. It took me 45 minutes to do my hair and makeup which normally takes me about 20 max. In my sleepy haze, I lost track of time and ended up being a good 15 minutes late.

I now have it on my “life rules” list that I will cancel any future dates that happen to land on the starting day of my monthly.

I arrive and it quickly becomes clear to me that I’ve got about 5 braincells still working, and that’s all I can muster. Just enough that I don’t sound like a complete moron and I’m not yawning, but not enough to truly be my normal entertaining self.

The first sign of this was my complete inability to read the wine menu, comprehend it, and place an order in a timely manner. My date was chatting with me and talking and asking questions, and honestly that was about the limit to my cognitive abilities to be able to listen to him and respond with semi-charming responses.

I swear it took me about a half hour to order a glass of wine.

The guy was great though. Charming. Fun. and not as bad on the eyes as I feared he might be… ok, he’s kinda cute.

At the end of the date, he mentioned that he was dead tired and needed to head home. I agreed and said I was dead tired as well.

He might have been making excuses to end the evening.. I didn’t really care at that point. Ok I did care a little, but I was dead, and welcomed the excuse to go home.

I barely made it driving the 15 minutes home without falling asleep. I got home, tore my clothes off, and fell into bed.


Aug 242010

As you all know, I go out networking. I go out networking OFTEN. So much so that most of my networking pals are quickly becoming good friends (whether they know.. er like it or not).

The funniest was the other night when I was accosted by one of my favorite married hot men friends. I had barely walked in before he’d pulled me aside and away from everyone.

“What was Jack doing with you the other night?”

Umm Mike and I are good friends… or so I think.. but we’re not THAT good of friends, and I had no idea why he thought I was with Jack. Or why he’d be so frantic about it. Jack barely knows who I am.

“Uh whaaaaaa?”

“Jack, you two were together the other night. He was bragging about it.”

Still completely clueless about what in the hell he was talking about..

“He was what? when? why? huh? I’m totally confused.”

“He told everyone he was with you at your place the other night. Everyone. Didn’t you know? What’s going on?”

I must have looked at him like he was completely off his rocker.

“Uh Jack wasn’t with me. Jack & I have talked like once..”

He interrupts. “No he’s telling everyone..”

I interrupt. “Wait.. wait.. what night was this?”

Turns out it was a huge misunderstanding and an extended joke from the group that Jack and I’d been talking in that last night I’d seen him.

Mike however interpreted the joke as Jack taking advantage of me or tarnishing my honor or my good name.

Once I put two and two together, I couldn’t stop laughing. I probably offended Mike by my incessant laughter, but it was just too funny.

After years of having everyone and their dog assume and accuse me of being some kind of whore, I find it hysterically funny that anyone would want to defend my honor. (Maybe thats just the bitter old woman in me?)

I was however extremely flattered that Mike felt inclined to check on me. He pretends to be a big ass, grumpy and antisocial, but he’s really just a huge sweetheart.  His wife is too, but don’t tell them I said that… I’d hate to ruin their reputation. 🙂

Later that night, I found myself trapped in conversation with a group of geek-boys. Hot young geek-boys. They said they were 23.. or around there. They were new to town and I’d briefly met them earlier in the week. Being the big mama-bear that I am, I felt all protective and wanted to introduce them to people.

I tried, but the more I tried the more they seemed to single me and Roma into conversation. I couldn’t tell if they were doing the divide and conquer… One of them taking me aside so another of them could talk one on one with Roma.. or if the guy talking to me really was that interested. It was hard to tell.

But they would not leave us alone or let the conversation fade. Which was fine with us for the most part as there wasn’t really much of anyone else to talk to, and they were fucking smart and hot. Well the one I was talking to was anyway. I’d end up getting distracted, introducing them to someone walking by, and suddenly he’d engage me in conversation again. I gave the boy plenty of outs to talk to anyone else, and yet he chose me. Roma was having the issue with one of the other boys.

As we walked back to the car, we started sharing notes.

“They really seemed intent on talking to us.”
“I know, it was kinda surreal.”
“Do you think they had any clue how old we are?” (Both of us are a good 14 yrs older than them)
“I don’t know. From the way they were talking to us, I’m pretty sure they thought we were much younger. Or they have that whole “The Graduate” thing going on.”

Roma laughed. We agreed that they had to have thought we were closer to their age. She herself forgets that I’m her age, and instead thinks I’m in my late 20’s.

Not that it matters much. The guy I was talking to was hot enough… dark hair, gorgeous.. looked a bit like the actor on Kyle XY.. which is enough for me.. I mean as long as I’ve ascertained that he’s legal.. and this guy is.

We’ll see if I run into him again.

Aug 022010

Well this weekend was quite the WTF weekend.

For starters, Friday night I went out with some friends. One of which, Getty is completely obsessed with strip clubs, and now is obsessed with being someone’s Fag Hag. She also just got a 666 tatoo, so we’re all a little WTF worried about her.

I honestly think she’s gay, she’s just not done anything or much of anything yet.

So to get out of going with her to the gay club.. I’ve never been to one, and the one she wanted to go to.. I could just tell that it wasn’t going to be my kind of place at all.  I called a friend to see what they were doing, and invited them to come with us.

They were drunk and stuck at a closing restaurant.. so they hopped at the idea and I became the DD. They agreed to be buffers at the Gay Lounge.

The Gay Lounge was.. on a Friday night at 9pm.. rather bare… er empty. Those that were there were the older gay men upper 40’s and higher. The bar itself looked like something you’d catch disease in. It was decorated in what I’d call “Gay Hick” as it resembled more of the country biker dive bars than it did anything remotely gay, though it did have twinkle lights, so I guess thats something. The only way I knew it was close to gay was the dress code. Men were dressed country, but in such a manner that would have caused any true hetero country man to get his ass beat.  It was a little bit like lumberjack or the marlboro man meets Prince. (If you’re thinking WTF, so was I)

I wanted to flee the moment we walked into the bar, but to be polite to Getty, we stayed for a drink. I drank it fast. And we decided to move onto somewhere else. Getty stayed.

Anyway, the remaining 3 of us… Rick, Roma, and I.. all go barhopping. We stop first at a bar that I hate. Roma wants to say happy birthday to a friend of hers. Neither of them had been to that bar before so they only had my word on how lame it was. I don’t think they believed me.

We drive up, and they exclaim. “Holy crap, you weren’t joking. Do they hand out douchebag badges here?” “Is it buy one douchebag get one free night?”

We park anyway and go in. Roma goes to say Hi to her friend, and I follow her.  It is then that my path is blocked by a drunk guy who has his back to me but keeps moving to block my way.. I assume unintentionally… but nevertheless he bumps into me repeatedly.

He then turns to look at me, “Oh wow, sorry but your boobs are so big its hard not to bump into you. I like it!”

He then proceeds to try to pick me up. Ewww. WTF?

Rick & Roma spend the entire time we’re there, cracking jokes at the expense of the douchebags and hoochiemamas that populate the place. Its too hilarious. Especially since both of them are never ones to say a bad word about anyone.

We head to the next place.

In which somehow we end up discussing the movie “Secretary” which is one of my all time favorite movies. It’s SOOOOOOOOO hot.  (seriously, watch it with me and you’ll get laid.. well if you’re a guy and I find you even remotely attractive.)

I honestly do have quite a few friends who are into BDSM type things, and for those that know me well (or at least read in depth on here)… you know I border on it too.  I dabble at best. It requires a LOT of trust.. which I find nearly impossible to obtain that level of trust needed in someone else. Maybe someday.

Anyway, Rick, Roma and I discuss it. We discuss the people in it.. people we know.. people we’ve met. Roma is all sorts of uncomfortable and blushing. Rick and I quickly see that she’s an innocent. Rick also quickly sees that I am not. Oops outted myself.

One of these days I’m going to be able to watch my tongue. Luckily neither of these people care what I do, as long as I’m safe and safe about it… which is not something most people ever worry about with me.

We headed home. Woke up Saturday morning with my throat swollen and sore. Luckily I was breathing fine, but my ears & throat were on fire, my body ached, and movement of any kind left me dizzy. I was also a little nauseated. Not a normal thing, but pretty sure it was an allergic reaction to something. I’m blaming the Ace Pear Cider, but I don’t know. (again, WTF?)

So I spend all day in bed and on Twitter and other things I can do laying in bed not moving. Ended up taking a good 5 hour nap, on top of the 9 hours sleep I had. My head hurt, but I could type.

So on twitter, I flirt with some English dude. He’s pretty hot for an English dude, and I tell him that. I ask if he’s single. He is.

He offers to come visit Austin for a week. Once clarified that I’d only be obligated to meet him for drinks or lunch or something once… and not entertain him for the entire week.. I agree, but found it creepy and weird. WTF?

Turns out I find the one attractive dude in England who is single, and has friends in Austin that he’s not seen in a while.

He’s booking his trip.

Jul 292010

(umm I like forgot to post this)

I may or may not look like a bright red cherry right now.

Thus is the sign of a good 4th of July. Isn’t it?

I’m actually sitting here naked (save for my panties) because clothes kinda hurt and I’m hot. — My dog also thinks its hot, so it might not be just cuz I’m burnt. —

I’ve been working too much this last week, and too much networking, and too much of everything busy but not necessarily relaxing.. I left today pretty open to doing just that.

I could have driven down to BFE South Austin to celebrate a friend’s birthday. A friend that I’ve seen and talked to once in the last year. His friends are the psychotic Meg (who was rumored to be attending) and various other women of which I find clicky and annoying. So while it would have been good to see my friend, the event would most likely be boring at best or pushing me toward homicide at worst.

Then there was this free gathering at my apartment complex promising free food and fun at the pool side.

The pool side is actually closer to me than my car. So you can guess to which one I went.

Me and a bunch of girls – VS – the unknown in my backyard.

As most of you know by now, I’m a nervous wreck when it comes to meeting new people in strange places. Especially people who I have to be at least on decent behavior with.. aka make a decent first impression. But I went anyway, crossing my fingers that the organizers were outgoing people who knew how to work a party.

So I go. I walk in and I can’t tell who lives here and who is organizing, but there’s this one girl and her friend that wave me down.

“Hi I’m Sarah, this is Jen” Sarah was a dainty friendly girl, but as it turned out did not live in my complex. Jen however did.

Jen was nice and pointed out that she was the organizer. Her and her husband who she briefly pointed out, but did not introduce me to. She also pointed out some girls sunbathing saying they were friends of hers.

Introductions to anyone else was not forthcoming. Obviously I was supposed to only talk to the girls, and no real effort to even introduce me to them. Yay me.

Sarah made an excuse and left the party, and I made an excuse to go get my towel from my apartment, and left. Went home, grabbed some good food, and then went back.

The party was still well underway, but still the same people. I tried to sunbathe but felt weird. Then I saw that some new people had entered, and so I went to go join the conversation. I stood on the outskirts of the conversation waiting for a way to get a word in or introduce myself… also waiting for the introduction. There was none, and the organizer barely acknowledged that I’d returned.

These people are not good at hosting.

So since there was still about 6 men at the party, I decided to stay a little bit and sat near the entrance and watched them rough house with the few kids that were there. It was kinda cute actually. Ok maybe it was kinda hot.. watching these sexy men play with little kids. (ok that sounds all sorts of wrong.. but nothing more adorable than a sexy guy being fatherly)

That was when one of them noticed me. He was very good looking. Very nice, and very social. He should have been the host.

As it was, he told me the story of nearly everyone there. Which girl belonged with which guy. If they were married, and who their kids were. (this is how you host.. idiots!)

He belonged to no one there, and acted single… aka was flirting with me. He introduced me to the people he knew. Evidently they were all part of a band. He was the drummer.

At first I was thinking… OH no.. enduring drumming practice sessions .. ugh.. but then I thought. HEY.. that means he’s got rhythm. *big evil grin*

He made sure he knew my name, and made sure to pronounce it properly.. asking me several times exactly how I pronounce it.


He’d repeat it. “Maruska. So its not “Meriska”?”

Honestly, so many people over the years have f’d up my name that I honestly don’t care. (My best friend cares btw, and she will correct you.) If its got a “M” and a “KA” in it, I’ll answer.

“Its Maruska, but thats fine.. I answer to it all.” I try to joke, but he looks at me serious.

“I want to get it right. Maruska?”

“Yes thats correct.” I smile.

We end up talking a long time. Just the two of us with no one else.

As I left the party, he repeated my email address to me. He’d done this several times throughout our conversation.

He added me to his Facebook a few days later.

Jul 222010

Last night, I went to a networking gathering. Ok it was a seminar with networking attached to it.. or networking with a seminar attached.. whatever. The point is that I went out where people were, and ran into.. Hock.

For those of you who don’t know the Hock story, I do recommend seeking the archives from end of April to mid-May. For those that do remember the idiot that thought a one-night stand allowed him to treat me like an all-hours on-call secret sex shop…

This is the first I’ve seen Hock since the hockey game, and honestly I have no idea why I thought he was attractive.

He looked bad. I wasn’t all that lovely myself.. I didnt’ really do my hair and my makeup was less than perfection, but boy howdy did he look bad.

His hair looked thin at the top. He was clearly unshaven. He looked disheveled and sloppy. He also looked like he’d put on a good 20 lbs in all the wrong places.

Add to that.. that he didn’t even bother to acknowledge my presence or that he knew me. (probably a good thing) And he walked around with his normal arrogant ways of being, though avoiding me with great effort. (Seriously, I was standing next to a girl that’s his friend, and he didn’t go over to stay hi to her until I left her side.. which was about 45 minutes or so later, and only ventured over cautiously once just to say goodbye, because I was still within 5 feet of her.)

I think he’s scared of me. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA! Asshole.

I did however spend most of the night talking with some great people, and getting some really great connections (personal and professional).  At one point, I found myself surrounded by sexy geeky men doing geek talk. They were talking about physics theories and facts and whatnot that was a little over my head.. but damn thats sexy.

One of them was married. The hottest one of course. He flirts with me, but I honestly can’t tell if its just innocent married male flirting or if he’s toying with the idea of a girl on the side. (Sadly, he’s hot enough that I would be tempted. I know that makes me evil.. But when someone like George Clooney or Brad Pitt or Hugh Jackman walks up to you and attempts to seduce you.. do you really care that much if they’re married? Ok.. fine.. yes yes we do.. damn it.)

There were two other geeky guys there that I think are single. I didn’t ask. One is a very sexy younger geeky boy-man. He said maybe two words. Both of which I think were his name. He might be 25 if he’s lucky. The other was older, maybe 40+? and very geeky and much less sexy.. I didn’t talk to him much.. so that could change, I mean if he really can talk geek fluently I might could overlook the skeletal frame he has, which honestly was his only real issue.

If I feel like the chances of breaking you is pretty great just by having sex.. it severely lessens my attraction to you. Severely.

It’s also a bad sign.. if I feel the need to feed you.