Jan 132017

The last few years, I’ve written off men. I’ve lowered my standards. I even started thinking about not having standards at all.

Well.. I say that.. but when push comes to shove.. There are standards. They’re just not what they used to be.

I’ve not been with anyone since I last posted, except a really unfortunate make-out session last fall which only affirmed my “standards” as well as my “lack there of”.

Then my birthday happened. I’d been stressed for months with life stuff and work stuff and no vacation for Holidays and not even time for a New Years drink. Seriously all work and no play.

So I go out for my birthday and I drink like the bottle has my name on it.

And of course.. as I’m walking out.. and waiting to sober up.. This amazing guy kisses me.

He seems sober. He seems nice. He seems put together. He seems sane.

And he kisses like a man in love.  Not a man in lust. But a man in love.. gentle, passionate, sweet, heated, but in control and listening to his partner’s responses.

And then he tells me that he doesn’t want sex. He wants to take me out sometime to dinner and a show.

We held hands and kissed some more. Normally I hate holding hands, but his hand fit perfectly and felt right.

We kiss a bit more. I started this time, and I kissed him urgently. I wanted to see what he would do.

“You’re going to make me throw you up against the wall aren’t you?” he said in a way that was both a threat and a desire.  Then while continuing the kiss, he pushed me back and pinned me gently against the wall.

I swear to God. If he’d have asked me to marry him at that moment I would have said yes.

I had no negative health problems at all. None. I even felt much better the next day. Like a light had shown in the darkness and suddenly there was joy and hope and great kissing and likely phenomenal sex.

It’s 3 days later, and if he called me right  now.. I’d seriously think about packing up my stuff (I seriously JUST moved in here) and selling my house.

I found him on Google. He’s been working at the same company for 17 years. Worked his way up to promotion after promotion. Looks steady and reliable.

But he lives half way across the US.

And he’s not returning my texts.

It is going to be hard… very hard… to return to a life of low standards… but my chances of meeting another man like him is about one in a billion.

So I will pine until my heart breaks.. and start again.

Jan 122017

It’s been 2 years, 4 months, and 16 days… Kidding, I have no idea how long it’s been, but it’s been a long long time since I’ve posted here or since I’ve had any time or energy for sex or dating or dealing with men. (Counting back posts, it seems it’s been 5 years since I’ve been with anyone)

Most of my hiatus was due to health issues, which it seems will be ongoing for the rest of my life. I’d completely given up on dating or mating due to it.

Last fall I decided to start dating. Went out on one date which then turned into a one-night stand.. because.. why not? But mostly because I wanted to see if I’d have health issues from it.

He was a horrible kisser, but that wasn’t all of it. I started having health problems and the more we kissed, the more things progressed, the worse I got.  By the time I actually got up to leave, I could barely walk – and not because of what we were doing.

So I wrote off sex and dating and men.

Then after a few months of endless working and stress, my birthday comes. I’d skipped Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years .. because of work and moving.

I needed a drink or 12.

So I went to my local bar. One where I still know the staff and know they’re good people, so if I ended up too drunk.. I was in relatively good hands.  #safetyfirst

And I drank. I drank a lot. I drank too much to drive right away.

So as they closed, I stood out at the entrance with a few other people and planned to wait until I was sober.

Next to me is two men. I can’t see their faces, but I can hear them talking. I say something about their conversation.

The guy closest to me turns and looks at me. He’s not bad looking but not something I’d ever gravitate to on my own. I notice his eyes, a beautiful blue grey.

We talk briefly. About what, I don’t know.  Then suddenly he’s moving in for a kiss.

I ponder stopping him, but have a quick debate on whether I was too drunk to care if his kiss make me sick or not.

Then he kissed me.

(for the results, you’ll have to read “Robert”)