Aug 292010

I’ve tried to write on this subject before, but always.. without fail.. it either ends up looking like I’m a huge braggart or like I’ve such little self-confidence that the white coats should be at my door in any moment.

This weekend, someone complimented me. This was not your normal.. “That dress looks good on you.” type of compliment.  This was a very sweet compliment… unsought.. out of the blue. Had it been a guy giving me the compliment, I’d have swooned.

Me and compliments do not get along very well. They always leave me speechless, which often I fear has the tendancy to make it look like I didn’t appreciate it fully or that I’m snooty… aka “Well thanks for noticing I’m awesome” or the similar.

Whats worse is that I’ve a degree in communicating effectively. Much like psychologists are often the worst wackos of the bunch of us… I am relatively the worst in person communication.

Ok.. not the worst.. I’ve seen worse.. just not within the realm of social persons.

In nearly every conversation.. save a few people or topics where I am in my element.. I always feel like I’m all thumbs fumbling for not only what to say but how to express it in the most effective manner in order to evoke the response I want.

It’s possible that so much study has only proven to hamper my abilities by giving me more skills to over think and stress over, in the end causing me to be so overwrought into inaction.

My best conversations are always with people that I could give a Rat’s Ass about what they think of me or my thoughts. Unfortunately, this isn’t often the case… as strangers become loved ones, and you can’t always avoid the inevitable conversations with future bosses, clients, or other influential people in your life.

Eventually, you’ll always end up in some conversation with someone where there is something of value to lose.

And such is my torture.

Funny enough.. my childhood taught me well how to manage being called derogatory names. You can call me nearly anything and I am nearly always quick with a graceful reply or otherwise can handle it with relative ease.

Yet.. you pay me a genuine compliment.. and I’m all sorts of .. Uh.. umm.. Shit what do I say now.  Plus the guilt feeling of having to pay a compliment in return… and when put on the spot, it can be difficult to repay a compliment.

So.. for all of you.. who recognize that I am the awesome person that I am. Thanks. I’m honored that you can see it too.

Oh wait.. damn it…  that sounded snooty again didn’t it? 🙂