Oct 062017

Him: I’m only a “good boy” in public, And on fb

Me: Hmm.. so I should carry pepper spray if we’re alone.. Got it.

Him: Ugh!!! No

Me: -ordering pepper spray on amazon right now-

Him: I’m not evil
Or a rapist
You’re fine

Me: uh huh..

Him: HEY!!!

Me: So.. you wanna maybe hang out sometime in 3-4 days.

Him: In 3-4 days?

Me: Gotta wait for the pepper spray to arrive.

Him: Lmao. Ass!!!


Just to update..

Things with Mr TakeMe ended over a month .. probably two months ago now. He took a sledgehammer to things on purpose and fucked it all up beyond repair. Looking back, he was abusive like everyone else I’ve dated lately… just not in the ways I’ve ever known before.

Not once did I feel unwanted (well not until the sledgehammering). I never felt fat. Or ugly. Or less than.

Really he did help me raise the bar for people I date.

I miss sex with him. I miss it like I lost my arm. I’ve tried having sex with others since. It’s equivalent of trying to drink tomato juice when all you want is a bloody mary. Not satisfying and not really worth it.

Tonight a guy I’d been trying to date.. where I thought things were going well a month ago.. we’re both shy..

Until I asked him for help at the bar because I didn’t want this crazy guy to walk me to my car, and he declined and encouraged me to let crazy guy walk me to my car despite my objections. That hurt. That not only hurt as someone I was trying to eventually get with, but as a woman asking a male friend for protection.

The above quoted texts are from him and I tonight. Supposedly he got drunk and texted me. Evidently he’s interested.

It’s just going to be a while until I trust him again. Denying help (safety) when a female friend asks for it, is right up there with encouraging your friends to rape a girl at a party.

I confronted him with it a couple weeks ago. He said he was sorry and didn’t realize the situation.. He didn’t seem to remember it.  But I do, and it’s a pretty large nail in his character assessment.

I’m also chatting with a promising guy off OkStupid. He’s either revolting or cute. Probably revolting, given my luck, but his photos show both. We’ll see.

Garath is back and wanting me again. He has good reasons for flaking on me, but I no longer find him sexually attractive.. and it doesn’t help that I remember our last time together as bad (degradingly bad on my part – nothing like feeling like shit after sex) or that he has severe impotence issues. Do I even need to mention his habit of mansplaining?

And I completely forgotten the pseudonym I gave Mr NiceGuy. I’m certain I’ve written about him before. I love being around him. He calms me. I can relax. Saw him this passed Saturday night, we hung out like we’d been dating for years. Then at the end of the night, he walked me to my car like he always does when I see him. Then he grabbed my hand and held it while we chatted. I grabbed for his other hand with mine and he grabbed that one too. We hugged several times, and did a couple peck kisses.  I don’t think he’s decided quite yet what he wants, but it’s obvious I’m still on the menu ideas.

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