Jun 222017

So I went out drinking last night. I wanted to stay home, but I couldn’t. It’s empty at home and too much time to think about Mr. TakeMe.

So I went out for “Steak & Karaoke” and when it was over, I went to the other local bars close by.  Mr TakeMe also frequents those and I hoped I’d see him. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I saw him, but I wanted to see him.

So I waited around. Sure enough, mid-drink I look over and he’s sitting at the bar with a blonde woman.

I’m instantly hurt. He didn’t say hi. He didn’t try to be friends.

Then I look closer. He’s with his ex. He thinks he loves her. He cheated on her. She cheats on him constantly (according to him). And they are like oil and water.

I’m now livid. He fucking dumped me for HER?????? HER???? She looks OLD (she’s just younger than me) and nasty. It’s possible she’s a nice woman, but I instantly hate her.

I pay my tab, finish my drink, and leave.

Mr TakeMe doesn’t acknowledge me at all. I want to punch him in his face.

I go to the bar next door, and randomly message guys to see if they want to have sex. I want to hurt Mr TakeMe. I want to message him that I’m off to have risky sex with some guy I don’t know.

I get someone to say yes to sex and I message Mr. TakeMe that I saw him at the bar and that I’m heading out for sex with some guy I don’t even know his name.

My car is right outside the bar he was at though, and as I walk by the entrance to the outdoor area. I see him. He calls me over. I go.

He tells me his ex is a worthless whore and that she’s trying to pick up guys at the bar. He looks defeated. I want to call him a dumbass. I refrain.

I comfort him with a hug which lasts an extended time, and then I leave. My sex date is waiting.

My sex date turns out to be the biggest man-child. He whined about having to go to a bar. Whined about meeting me at the cafe. After 3 hours of attempting to get him to meet me in public, I gave up. No sex is worth that much effort.

It is then that I see I have messages from Mr. TakeMe.

Please come see me I’m drunk I don’t want to go to her house and kill her or fucking throw another five wine bottles in her goddamn driveway or one of the fuck it’s going to happen from this point on
I hate my motherfucking life I’m so sorry fuck I don’t know what to say
I’m at LRP but I don’t want to be here
[Name of Bar] whatever the fuck it is

I had just ordered food at the cafe, so I wrote him back telling him to go home and I’d meet him there, and I tell him that I’m at the cafe waiting on food.

He doesn’t receive my messages according to FB. I get worried. Mr. TakeMe is an emotional guy. He tries hard to be the macho man, but he’s made entirely of marshmallow fluff. Huge sweetheart which is hidden well behind him being an asshole. I’m not afraid that he’s going to harm her. I’m more afraid that he’s going to harm himself.

I rush through my food and go looking for him. I finally find him, and he drives off after texting me to meet him at the cafe.

I drive back to the cafe. I see him in his car. He’s sitting there. As I get closer I see he’s yelling and crying about his ex. When I get to the car, I see he’s using voice to text to text her what a “piece of shit she is” and that he can’t believe he “fell for her bullshit again.” (Supposedly she told him she loved him. Wanted only him. Only he would do.)

I open his car door. He’s trying to pull away and hide that he’s so upset, but he can’t. I know I should be mad at him and upset, but I was consumed by his pain and I couldn’t let him go through it alone. I would be his shoulder if it killed me.

I put my hand on his back, and softly say, “Come here, hon.”  and I hold him as he cries.

It takes a while but he starts to pull himself back together. He’s too drunk to be driving and he needs food. He says he wants bacon but he doesn’t like the cafe’s bacon. I tell him I know a place and offer to drive.

He starts apologizing. Telling me that he really really likes me. Emphasing how much. But then stating he just can’t get over her. I know this. I mutter “dumbass” under my breath.

I take his keys. He leaves his phone in his car.  I drag him to my car, and I drive him a few miles away to a better diner.

He’s exhausted and obviously hasn’t eaten and too much drink. I end up feeding him about 1/3 of his food because he’s too messed up to manage to eat, and I can tell I need to get him home in bed. It’s already 3am, and he works in the morning.

I get him home. He pauses outside to smoke. He tells me I can go home. Makes it sound like what he wants. It hurts.

“Do you want me to go home?”

His eyes get sad, and looks me in the eye, “I want you to stay. I would love for you to stay. I will cuddle you and love on you and do whatever you want. I want you to stay, but I understand it’s unfair to ask.”

Serious wounded puppy.

I was already going to stay. I even brought ear plugs to stay all night. I am fighting for him to be mine. I’m not going anywhere.

I finally drag him inside. Grab him some water. We get in bed and snuggle. We have sex.

But he’s not really with me. He’s with me, but it’s revenge sex against his ex. He’s using me, and I know it. I also know he needed it. He starts getting revenge sex rough with me and causing pain (which if it was my enjoyment that would be one thing, but this is him getting his anger out about HER on me. Oh hell no.) I flat out tell him no and that he does not get to punish me for her shit. He has to be nice or I’m done.

His face was a mix of hurt, shame, sorrow, and apology.  He started talking about where she was and that she was probably having sex… and then said.. I’m sorry I just want to hear you scream so loudly that if she’s outside she calls the cops.

I realize he wants theatre. So I mix real and fake at a much louder volume. Our early days of sex weren’t much different. I was using him for this kind of thing and he was using me.

Finally we snuggle, he tells me that he doesn’t deserve me (this we agree on) and how much he really likes me. And just as we go to sleep, he whispers (I only make out part of it) “I want to be with you. Just you and I. Just us.”

I stay the night. My first time ever staying the night with him.

He is loving in the mornings. Not just sex, but sweet. And he was definitely with me. Just me. He was so happy that I finally stayed and we woke up together. (well I was awake most of the night, I just pretended we woke together.)

I don’t know what we are.. I get the feeling that we’re dating dating… I suspect we’re monogamous. But honestly I don’t know.

He could be getting back together with his ex right now. What I do know, is that there is only me and her. And I can take her.

He mentioned that it took 4 months for him to fall for his ex. He and I are close to 3 months. It’ll happen, if I don’t kill him first.

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