Well.. I say that.. but when push comes to shove.. There are standards. They’re just not what they used to be.
I’ve not been with anyone since I last posted, except a really unfortunate make-out session last fall which only affirmed my “standards” as well as my “lack there of”.
Then my birthday happened. I’d been stressed for months with life stuff and work stuff and no vacation for Holidays and not even time for a New Years drink. Seriously all work and no play.
So I go out for my birthday and I drink like the bottle has my name on it.
And of course.. as I’m walking out.. and waiting to sober up.. This amazing guy kisses me.
He seems sober. He seems nice. He seems put together. He seems sane.
And he kisses like a man in love. Not a man in lust. But a man in love.. gentle, passionate, sweet, heated, but in control and listening to his partner’s responses.
And then he tells me that he doesn’t want sex. He wants to take me out sometime to dinner and a show.
We held hands and kissed some more. Normally I hate holding hands, but his hand fit perfectly and felt right.
We kiss a bit more. I started this time, and I kissed him urgently. I wanted to see what he would do.
“You’re going to make me throw you up against the wall aren’t you?” he said in a way that was both a threat and a desire. Then while continuing the kiss, he pushed me back and pinned me gently against the wall.
I swear to God. If he’d have asked me to marry him at that moment I would have said yes.
I had no negative health problems at all. None. I even felt much better the next day. Like a light had shown in the darkness and suddenly there was joy and hope and great kissing and likely phenomenal sex.
It’s 3 days later, and if he called me right now.. I’d seriously think about packing up my stuff (I seriously JUST moved in here) and selling my house.
I found him on Google. He’s been working at the same company for 17 years. Worked his way up to promotion after promotion. Looks steady and reliable.
But he lives half way across the US.
And he’s not returning my texts.
It is going to be hard… very hard… to return to a life of low standards… but my chances of meeting another man like him is about one in a billion.
So I will pine until my heart breaks.. and start again.