Oct 222011

So I went out last night. The first time I’ve been out to anything really “social” in a long while… or at least in mixed company, and I learned a few things.


1. I really really need to stop watching Korean dramas.


It’s enough that it’s warping my vision of men and dating. However, as I noticed last night it is also altering who I find desirable. Last night, I couldn’t take my eyes off of any man who even remotely resembled Korean.


Oooo He has dark hair, dark eyes..   “Hi, My name is Maruska” (and you’re the hottest thing since sliced bread.)


Seriously.. it’s like I have some kind of Asian Man-Flu.


2. If you slap me, you’ll be lucky if all I do is slap you back.


I have always had a very low tolerance for unwanted physical touch. Unless I’ve given you permission to touch me, or I’ve allowed you to have some kind of authority over me in which you are allowed to do things to me… touching me is .. well… not usually in your best interest.  Hell it took me about 3 years of living here before I got used to the whole hugging thing people do.


Now hugging is fine, even though it often still makes me uncomfortable.. especially with women or men I know like me but I don’t like them.


However, last night.. this guy I’ve liked, then didn’t like.. then liked, then didn’t.. I kinda like, but not sure. Anyway, we somehow got on the subject of slapping. I have no idea how or why. I mentioned that slapping me wasn’t a good thing.


He was warned, but evidently took it as a challenge. He slapped me.  Still in shock from the assault, my arm swooped up and slapped him back pretty hard.  I had just enough mental restraint to think before my hand contacted his face to dial back the force.


He looked at me shocked. Evidently I hit him harder than he hit me. He wasn’t slapping me out of anger and was just trying to play around.


But theres a few things I don’t F’around about.  Suicide, and violence.  You tell me you’re going to kill yourself, I will call 911 on your ass end of story.  You get violent with me, I will end it.  One way or another, you will not ever want to hit me again.


He of course didn’t catch on at first. I believe he slapped me about 5 times all told. Each time, I let myself slap him just a little harder.  He tried to restrain me or hold back my arms. It didn’t work. I am not a weak girl, and I was getting pissed.


Most people haven’t seen me mad or angry.. cranky? yes. Pissy? yes. Annoyed? yes. Angry? no.  He was getting right up there.  Two more slaps and I honestly don’t know what I’d have done. Each slap set a fire within me that was very hard to control. I really wanted to punch his lights out, or pummel him to the ground and punch his face repeatedly while I sat on top of him.  I wasn’t thinking logically, I just wanted it to end.


“Look, I’m sure you mean this all fun and games, but you’re really lucky that I’ve not punched you.”


He looked at me shocked, “You did.”


“No, I slapped you and that wasn’t even full force. I don’t play this game, so please stop.”


A mutual friend was with us watching the whole thing. He turned to our friend.


“I’m not sure I can take her.”


Our friend replied, “Yeah, I don’t think you can either.”


He tried again anyway, coming up to me, slapping me in the face gently, then running away. I managed to barely clip his ear in retaliation.


He had to leave luckily, or I’m not sure if that would have been the end.


I’m really not a violent person.. but I think this is one of those.. “Don’t poke the bear” things.


3. Men are crazy about zippers.


Over the years, I’ve had a few shirts with zippers. They’ve always  been my “lucky” shirts. It doesn’t matter where the zipper is or what it does really, but men seem to love them.


My last shirt before my current one had a little zipper from the neck to the shoulder that maybe when fully opened gave 2 more inches of shoulder to look at.


It didn’t matter. Men still looked at me in that shirt as if my breasts were hanging out in full view. (Never will understand that.)


Tonight, I wore one of my new polo shirts with a zip-up front.  The zipper on these does go down pretty low but I had it zipped up to a decent level while still showing some neckline.


The guys thought my shirt was awesome. I even zipped the damn thing all the way shut, and was told that that was even sexier.




Anyway, ladies.. I thought I’d let you know. Look for shirts with zippers. Buy it. Wear it. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, the fact that it has a zipper is enough to get you laid.


Trust me.

  2 Responses to “Korean Look-alikes, Slapping, and the irresistible zipper.”

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