We met through POF, and had been chatting on and off. (Off, because I was being flaky) I wasn’t really “feeling it” through our online conversations, but I know from previous online to offline ventures that chemistry online doesn’t necessarily mean it will be there offline. Despite my flakiness, he was still actively pursuing me… not so much as to reek desperation, but enough to show he really was interested.
So I decided to give him a shot, and told him I didn’t want to talk anymore without meeting first. The most annoying thing about online dating is the people that you know live like 10 minutes from your door, and yet they insist on wasting time emailing you for weeks discussing every minute little thing when you don’t even know if you’ll find them attractive in person.
We met for coffee. I arrived first (a shocker for me that I was actually early, I overestimated how much time it would take to get there) ordered my coffee, and he arrived.
He was much shorter than I imagined he would be, but tall enough that I figured he must have had 5’10 listed and I forgot about it. (I checked his POF profile when I got home, he was not the 6ft that he claimed. If he’s 6ft, then so am I.)
He looked like his pictures though in an unfortunate way, but he wasn’t ugly. He seemed nice enough with a personality similar to his email speech style. He seemed nice, steady, dependable.
Then we began talking. Red flags all over the freaking place.
He has 5 kids, and wants more. The reason he wants more is merely that his kids do not live with him, and he wants a nuclear family. He had a nuclear family for a little while with his ex, and he loved it, but now that the relationship is over.. He wants to start over with a new girl. He says he’s not a good “weekend dad” and hates it. (Me thinks he crazy. I also fear that he’ll ditch his parenting responsibilities with his other kids once he gets his nuclear family. Just something about the way he said things.)
His last relationship was with a certifiably crazy chick. He loved her for the drama (also something I inferred from his talking about her). He says of course he’s learned his lesson, but I’m not so sure.
He has a habit of interrupting people when they talk. He also takes the long way around answering any question. Seriously, I do not need to know your entire life story before you tell me what your favorite color is. No, really, I don’t need to know how many times you’ve taken your car in for service before you tell me what car you drive.
I tried writing off all the above as him being nervous and just not expressing himself well. So when he asked if I wanted to walk around a bit and talk, I said yes.
This is where it got very educational.
“I just wanted to warn you. I like to bark at dogs. It’s just something I do. It’s fun. I love to watch the dog’s reactions.”
“Uh ok” I replied, thinking this must just be some silly thing that he likes to do at home or to friend’s dogs for fun. We all have our little weird things.
No no… about 10 feet further on our walk, we run into a dog in a car. He excuses himself from talking to me in order to go bark at the dog.
I have to give him credit. He does a pretty good barking sound. Unfortunately it wasn’t a “manly bark” but more akin to those small yappy dogs. Unsexy, but maybe he’s just trying to be funny.
10 feet further, and two girls are walking a dog. He asks them if they mind if he barks at their dog. (WTF? umm ok.) They look at him like he’s lost his mind, but give him permission anyway. He barks at the dog again in the yappy dog voice.
We continue walking, and literally every time he saw a dog he went over to bark at it. It was like some kind of weird compulsion. I was praying that we’d not see any more dogs, and instead discovered there are dogs everywhere in Austin.
As we finish the date, he compliments me on my looks.
“You’re not what I was expecting from your pictures, but you’re very cute. I don’t normally go for your body-type but I find you very attractive.”
Whoa.. whaaa? I stood there for a moment wondering exactly what he meant by that. I know I’m a big girl. My profile clearly states that I’m a big girl. It wasn’t like I was hiding it.
So I asked him about it.
“Umm what do you mean my body-type?”
“I’m sorry was that rude? I was just trying to tell you that find you attractive. I’d probably find you more attractive if you lost weight, and I wouldn’t want you to gain any. It surprised me though that I find you attractive. There are some parts of your body as well that are amazingly sexy.”
Here’s what I heard: “I don’t really date fat chicks, and I’d love you to lose some weight, but you’ll do. I like your big boobs.”
I’m probably overreacting to his statement or viewpoint, and I should give him points for being frank with me.
But after that date… I needed a drink, or 20.