Sep 162009

“The Frisky” (some online magazine I’d never heard of until someone posted about this article) has an article about the “8 So-Called Chivalrous Moves That Creep Us Out”.

The article was obviously written by a woman who is so used to unchivalrous behavior that she gets creeped out easy.

Of the 8 Creepy moves she lists, I only agree with her on two of them because.. well doing them is more insulting than it is chivalrous.

1. Ordering meals for her. (Unless you’ve been in a relationship long enough that you automatically know what she wants – aka Martini, dry, extra olive) Its bad form to assume that your penis gives you the right to assume her tastes.

2. Letting her win at any competitive thing. This is a practice that went out of style with women’s rights, and is now condescending and semi-misogynistic. Exceptions to this may be letting her win at wrestling you, but reasons for this would be less competitive and more.. well foreplay.

Of other 6 moves she mentions:

3. Code term for bathroom: Was it ever in fashion for a man to use the word tinkle? Umm no, not unless he’s talking to a child as in “Do you have to tinkle?” But no man ever said “I have to tinkle” unless he’s gay or wanted to get beat up, or both. So this should just be generally “wrong” and not considered a chivalrous move. It is though much better to say, “I’ll be right back, I need to use the men’s room” instead of “I gotta go hit the head”. Some code terms just make you look like an idiot.

4. Pulling out her chair: I’ve only had one guy attempt this, and had he not been a superb ass otherwise, I’d have slept with him right then and there. Sure sure, we women can pull out our own chairs, but its sooooo nice to see a man go out of his way to be courteous and helpful.

5. Carrying her purse: It takes a strong man to carry a woman’s purse. It really does. The reason other women looking on don’t find it attractive is merely that its a sign that he’s truly taken. It also (these days) takes a lot of trust for a woman to let a man carry her purse. Its very intimate. Most women just would rather carry their own purses for the most part, but for those few times when you need your hands or shoulders free (to try on that new coat just off the rack) its perfectly considerate and awesome for him to hold your purse.

6. Asking the father for hand in marriage: Outdated? maybe. Uber-considerate? Yes. This is one of those things that should never go out of style. It shows respect for the family and the family unit. It shows the parents that he’s understands their importance in her life (and soon to be his as well). It is merely asking for their blessing. If they don’t give it, is it really going to stop him asking her? probably not, but at least then he knows what kind of battle he’s up against in the years to come. (additionally, if their is more than one parental “set” the blessing should be asked of all her parents)

7. If he’s paying for dinner, not letting her contribute monetarily: This is a dying chivalry. Just because a woman has money, does not make it 50-50 in everything. Women still when dating should be looking for that guy who wants to pay for everything, at least at first. Women can treat some other time, or spend money on the relationship in other ways if needed. But going out with a guy who respects you enough to want to spend his money on you, and has enough money to spend on you… is a keeper. Should things progress, or you accidentally get knocked up, you at least know that he’s solvent enough to help out. Going “dutch” on a real first date is one sure way to make sure my legs stay together for a very long time.

8. Helping her put her coat on: This is just nice. Sure it can be awkward, but it shows that he’s thinking about you and wanting to help out. Trust me, if he’s not wanting to help you in the beginning, he won’t be much help later when you need it. One of my most romantic dates, a guy tried to help me put on my coat.. I got my thumb caught on the sleeve hole and it took a couple attempts to get the coat actually on. It was a great icebreaker and actually a “team building” activity. We laughed a lot, and once the coat actually got on, he gathered me in his arms and after we stopped chuckling we shared an awesome kiss.

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