Dec 032010

I’m a little sad today. Flattered I guess, but sad. An ex messaged me on OkStupid.

I think I may have written about him here. It would have been the first few posts or so on here if he’s mentioned.

We originally met via OkStupid when he pursued me like no body’s business. He’s extremely charming and has a way of talking himself out of trouble. He’s a people pleaser (also read lily-livered coward) and always wants to be in peoples good graces (without actually having the balls to do what is needed to stay in those good graces) and hates to do or say anything that may disappoint (so he absolutely won’t tell you anything that might upset you even if not telling you puts him in hotter water).

Despite knowing his personality (flaws), I still find myself caring about the bastard. Not in a way that I really want him back (there is only so much of that kind of personality that I can take without going homicidal), but that I care if he comes to harm.

He initially wrote to say hello. (hello from him is never just hello, you know something else is coming.. wait for it.. wait for it)

About 3 emails later he starts calling me “mistress”.

For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, I have dabbled in the BDSM arts. I label myself a switch, but I honestly don’t do much in the “lifestyle” as it’s called. Some of my best relationships were of that “lifestyle”, but not necessarily because of the “lifestyle”.. if anything the “lifestyle” was the main reason for the breakup, and the breakups were the most devastating of any.

Anyway, our initial relationship so to speak was based in that he wanted me to be his mistress. I said I’d think about it. Being someone’s dominant/owner takes a lot of effort. Its rewarding of course, but it’s not easy. I do not enter into those kind of relationships without a lot of thought, as it can be very damaging (mentally, emotionally, and physically) if you are not careful.

His calling me mistress was his way of saying “I respect you. I want you back.”  Despite that in the circles I learned from, calling someone mistress without them giving you previous permission to call them that shows disrespect and stupidity (it’s on par with calling someone husband who isn’t your husband). I am aware that there are other learning groups which require anyone of a subservient nature to call anyone of a dominant nature by Master or Mistress.

A few more emails later and he posts out of the blue an apology for how he acted when we were together. He was a complete asshole and he knew it, so yes an apology was in order.

It was then it got sad. I asked him what prompted his apology as it’s been a good year and half at least. He told me briefly (he is not a man of words) that he’d just gotten out of “training” by a “Mistress” who only took him on to “train him” (that alone makes me cringe, as there is no real universal training, everyone requires something different) and now he knew that he’d done wrong by me.

(Seriously if it takes hardcore training by someone else to get a guy to realize that he behaved like a complete asshole.. damn there is something wrong.)

He went on though to talk about how he knew now he was nothing but a “faggot silly piece of shit.” A point of view of himself that he repeated several times as if it would entice me or show me that he’s worthy of me now.

I swear that almost had me in tears, and not in a good way. That way of training, that kind of outlook, that kind of BDSM.. is not my bag.. not my bag at all, and can lead down a very dangerous road.

Now if I was to take him on, I would completely have to start all over from the ground up and his “training” would have been for naught.

I can only hope that this new path of the “lifestyle” that he’s found himself in will make him happy. It only makes me sad, very sad.

(Further update: It’s worse than I thought. Like a horror story. Becareful what you’re wishing for.. seriously.)