Apr 102019
 

Doug and I texted over the next few weeks, but he kept setting off my mental/emotional abuse triggers with things that seemed like gaslighting, ridicule, and sometimes just plain meanness.

He came back into town a couple weeks later. He didn’t tell me. Supposedly he wanted to surprise me?

I ran into them both at karaoke. Doug and I had just been texting not but a few minutes earlier and he didn’t even mention being in town.

I wasn’t prepared. I’d just come from a social draining event where I managed to get into one of my dangerous allergens (not the nose run kind, but the ER visit kind) and was only out so if my meds suddenly stopped working… I was in public in a trusted place and someone would likely call 911 for me.

So full of adrenaline and being pissed as hell because I wasn’t prepared for Doug to be in town.

Things did not go well. Doug told me he thought we’d just be better as friends. I told him I was disappointed, but agreed.

We texted for the next week or so. He stopped being an ass in text and was actually being fun and friendly.

Then suddenly he wasn’t. He just turned mean. Gaslighting. Lying. Then saying he was “just joking”.. even when I said I didn’t find that kind of thing humorous and that it triggered my PTSD.. he continued. And laughed about it.

I haven’t texted him since, and will most likely never speak to him again.

++++

But it did trigger me to start seeking help for what is obviously a major issue. Echoing. Fawning. Disassociating. Emotional Flashbacks. That are not only effecting my ability to be in a relationship, but seriously effecting my ability to walk away when I should walk the fuck away…

Not to mention effecting my ability to actually choose a beneficial partner.

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