Shocker.. I’ve started dating again. I wasn’t planning on it, but one day there was a meme going around about how if you don’t ask for what you want you’ll never get it. And another stating that if you don’t grab or go for it now, someone else will take it.
So I decided to start saying “Yes”. Yes to dating. Yes to meeting people. Yes to getting out of my comfort zone.
And for a minute it looked like it was going well. I started dating two guys in one week. That lasted about 3 days.
One decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship.
The other decided to not text me back for 2 days and then call me at 4:45 AM.
The one that didn’t want a relationship.. I attempted to do FWB.
But that seems to have also backfired.
I like him. I like him like him. And when I’m away from him, I’m totally fine. Chill.
When I’m around him, I want to be around him. I want to rip off his clothes. I want to learn every thing about him. I want to abduct him away to a hotel somewhere for a 2-day sex-a-thon where we never get dressed and only eat room service.
This of course… freaks him the hell out.
I get it. If there was a guy I wasn’t all that into… who responded that way.. I’d be running for the hills too.
But I don’t want to be with him 24/7. I just want to him out of my system. Usually a 2-day sex-a-thon works.
But I’ve also been having major issues with depression this past week.. the urgent panic kind of depression.
Really not good.
And I’ve figured out.. that Mr FWB has awakened the sexy part of me that I let go dormant.. and now I feel alone. Alone in a way that is hopeless and devastating.
And I’m not sure how to make it stop.