Aug 032017
 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on UnsplashLast night was amazing. Ok. maybe not amazing.. but after a day of going to an impromptu memorial and watching the people I love cry and be midst all that sadness..

I needed a refill of positive. I was so drained that I slept from when I got home until around 1am.

In a rare occurrence, Mr TakeMe has been oddly attentive lately.

When I texted him when I got home from the memorial asking him if we could cuddle tonight because I needed it due to the memorial.

I fully expected him to not respond. He doesn’t like emotions he says. He doesn’t like neediness. He has never ever been there for me before when I actually requested it via text.

So I expected to be ignored or told “Maybe” which is his usual go-to.

He instead replied, “I’m not in town but I’ll let you know when I get back.”

And about midnight, he texted again. Unfortunately I didn’t wake up until 1am. Which I texted him that I’d just woken up.

He wanted to meet, and we met at a bar just before last call.  Then back to his place.

He tells me, “Why don’t you ever stay?”

I tell him that I’m allergic to something in his apt.  He doesn’t understand, and it’s too long of a list to explain.

He looks at me and there’s a sadness in his voice, “Do you know what it’s like to go to sleep with you in my arms and wake up and you’re not there?”  My heart broke a little.

___

Remember how I posted awhile ago about how he’s slowly coming around to the fact that he loves me? He is. But he’s also still in denial.

The other night, it was kinda funny. This girl (platonic friend) friend of his joined us at the bar, and she told him when they went to go smoke that I loved him and that he was hurting me.

He basically told her to mind her own business, and came out to tell me about what she said. I don’t deny it, but I also make it clear that she can fucking bite me and that I’m still out there dating other people.

He has been oddly nice and there for me since then, and using emotive terms like “Honey” and “Love” in reference to me. And then last night…

___

At his place, he tells me it’s just going to be cuddling. Which I’m oddly fine with given the day I had.

So we lay down.. him the big spoon.. and about 1 minute later, he says, “Go get the towel”

“What happened to just cuddling?” I tease.

“Do you not want me to fuck you?” he teasingly threatens. He knows full well the answer to that.

I get the towel.

He presses me to the bed and teases me.

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

He tries to make me beg. I don’t beg .. like ever.. but I tried to meet him halfway so as to not spoil the moment.

After sex, we return to cuddling.. only my head in the nook of his shoulder, and his arms around me. We sleep that way most of the night. In the past, he’s moved because I put his shoulder to sleep or whatever..

Last night he held me close. If I stirred, or he stirred, he’d hug me back close to him. It was very emotional.. at least for me.. and exactly what I needed.

This morning, we had sex again.. and then started our days.

I keep waiting for him to return to his asshole ways.. it’ll probably be today.

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