People keep asking me what it is about Mr. TakeMe that makes him the love of my life or why I love him.
And it’s complicated to answer, but also simple.
I love his natural smell.
I love the way his skin is cool to the touch, smooth, and rarely sweaty.
I love that even when he’s sweaty.. it’s not gross.
I love his body.
I love his penis.
I love the way we have sex.
I love the way he cuddles after.
I love the way we fit together.
I love his kisses.
I love his lips.
I love his bald head.
I love how great of a father he is.
I love how he handles my crazy instead of running.
I love that we can fight, and still neither of us really leaves.
I don’t love that he can’t be honest with himself. I don’t love that he won’t let anyone in.
But there are moments when we’re together, when he lets me in. When he forgets to fight his feelings, when the whole of his heart opens. Those are the moments that make it all worth it.
Those moments.. I’ve never been loved like that before. It’s like being enveloped by a warm soft fluffy comforter, and the pain in places you didn’t even realize were scarred start to heal. Like the sky opens up and angels sing.
But then that moment is over. But your scars have healed a bit, and the world looks brighter.
We got together again tonight briefly. There wasn’t much of “loving” going on, partly because he had a coughing fit and both of us remembered he has cancer. So he was trying to keep his mind off it.
But then we laid down and cuddled. And he hugged me to him like he was clinging to me for life. My head in the nook of his shoulder and my lips against his neck. He held me like that for a very long time, and we talked until he started snoring.
Every time I’d try to relax the hug, he’d tug me closer. I could have stayed that way forever.
Him: “Are you ok?” (checking to make sure I’m comfortable, which he’s never done in that soft tone of voice before.)
Me: “yes, are you?”
I felt it.. and he felt it.. the moment. It lingered for a few seconds, and then he let me go and turned over.
He’s never turned over before with me. His back to me. I rubbed and cuddled his back until he fell asleep.. I told his sleeping ears that I loved him and then I went home.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I almost forgot. While we were having sex, I was just a little too close to the headboard so occasionally my head would bang against it. I made him stop so I could move down a little, but he was actually trying to bang my head into the headboard (not hurting but just touching, and I could press my hands against the headboard to stop him). So it was kinda a fight.
Then a few minutes later, he’s still going and forgets we’re close to the headboard, and bangs his own head against it with his thrusting.
I haven’t laughed that hard in days. We moved away from the headboard after that.