Jun 242017
 

Photo by Gabriel Matula on UnsplashOk. You can completely ignore my last post. I wrote it too soon before I’d processed the entire night and morning.

Sometimes it takes me a while to process what happens and my feelings about it and what really happened.

So here’s the thing. It has become clear that Mr. TakeMe does not really know what actual love is. I mean, I barely know… but he doesn’t know at all.

He also has so little love for himself that he can’t accept real affection from someone. If someone cares about him, they must be trash. It also makes him feel worse about himself.

How can one feel worse about themselves by someone loving them? Well see, it starts with not feeling worthy of love, mix in not feeling worthy of the other person, add that other person is way too good for them (in his mind).. and that affection feels wrong.. it makes you feel less than and vile and even worse.

That is Mr. TakeMe.

Every single time he felt like I was being too kind or affectionate. Not sex affection, but real affection.. he would lash out at me.

And since I’m not into being punished for loving someone… I’m out.

The minute that this realization dawned on me, the world suddenly seemed right again.

I’m 100% sure he’s back in the abusive relationship with his ex. That seems to be the only way he can feel love with a sexual partner is through hate… I hope he gets the help he needs, but I doubt he will until he reaches rock bottom.

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