The other night, I was thinking about Mr TakeMe and I realized that our “relationship” is probably the best “relationship” I’ve had with a man in .. well.. since 2000? And Mr TakeMe and I don’t really have a relationship. We are kinda friends? Mostly we just fuck.
How screwed up is it that a casual fucking relationship is better and more functional than anything I’ve had in 17 years?
TakeMe is not a saint. Don’t misunderstand me. He smokes cigarettes and weed, drinks (a lot), and is still hung up on his ex. We’re not monogamous. We barely know each other outside the bedroom.
But he doesn’t lie to me. He doesn’t belittle my illness.. he sure as hell doesn’t understand it, but he does whatever I need him to do without any fuss. After explaining the BJ situation, he doesn’t ask, doesn’t pressure me, and simply just acts like it doesn’t even exist. He doesn’t pout about it or make me feel guilty.
He spends time learning more about me. He doesn’t always remember it, but he tries to learn. He’s introduced me to his BFF. He’s not afraid to be seen with me in public or PDA.
He’s an asshole, but he’s honest about it. And I let him get away with too much.. But not so far as to be detrimental.. most of the time.
Tonight though.. tonight was him making sure I knew my place, without actually telling me.
Earlier this week, I got drunk. He was out of town. It was weekday and no one was out for sex. And I wanted laid. I wanted laid by Mr. TakeMe. So I texted him, drunk. I told him that I’d enjoyed the other night which I hadn’t told him at the appropriate time.
He said thank you and asked me to tell him things like that because he was attention starved.
So I told him I really liked him a lot. He’d told me several times over the last few weeks just how much he liked me (a lot), but I’d never said anything. So drunk earlier this week, I did.
He didn’t message me the next day (despite being back in town).
He didn’t message me the day after.
So I assumed I fucked up. I texted him and told him so.
He replied that I was being silly and that all was good.
He came to the bar were I sing karaoke, and reassured me all was well, and then also told me he had arrangements to meet “a friend” in a half hour.
Half hour goes by and he’s leaving, so I text him that I want sex and am ready to go if he is.
He replies he has his thing with his friend but it won’t take long. That was 11:15pm.
12:15am He messages me “I lied. Sorry. We’re almost done.”
12:45am I reply, “Zzzz”
1:15am I message him. “If you’re closing the bar, then I’m just going to go to bed.”
He replies back asking me to meet him at the bar he’s at. It’s like a block away so I go.
He’s there with his BFF. She’s ready to go. He keeps fiddle farting around.
1:50am.. Last call. I’m super pissy by this point. He’s completely oblivious or acting like it. He wants food. He wants to go to a diner where food will take at least an hour. I talk him into fast food.
His BFF needs a ride home, but then hears about food and decides she wants to go too.
He dawdles around the bar for another 10 minutes.
2:05am. I leave the bar telling him to message me when he’s headed to his place. He looks me straight in the eye and says “Might just be cuddling tonight, no sex” I am pretty sure I looked at him with eyes that would kill. I’d stayed up and even came back out to the bars for the SOLE purpose of getting laid.
2:25am I get his text.
2:35am He finally makes it to his place. He dawdles.
2:50am I take off my clothes and start to get into bed. He sees my breasts and suddenly no more dawdling.
I waited around 4 hours for sex. 4 HOURS.
I will never tell him that I like him ever again.