Mar 152017
 

Lately I’ve been embracing myself. Letting myself have things. Saying Yes. I’ve been experiencing the freedom of it and trying not to let old judgements stand in my way.

I’ve been exploring and adding things to my “Bucket List” and proceeding forward with hope and excitement that I might could someday..

Hold the things I want with love and the freedom to be myself and love who I am.

It has been years since I’ve had that feeling and over 7 years since I’ve been able to hold that feeling for more than a few hours.

I’d been able to hold that feeling for two weeks. TWO WEEKS.

After last night’s date, I chatted with a guy online who I’ve started becoming friends with. We talked about dating and he has an odd schedule, so it just hadn’t happened.

So we talked a bit. I told him about my bad date. He told me about a recent bad date of his own. I teased him because we hadn’t gone out yet.

And I don’t know if I said something wrong or if he was just in a mood.

But he basically called me classless and not good enough for him.

I won’t go into details, but this guy is not one that should be passing any kind of judgements.

But it hit.

I’m mad at myself because it did. I’m mad at him for being an asshole.

But mostly I’m mad at myself for needing people at all.

And so I woke today..

Hello darkness, my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again”

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