Mar 182017
 

We could not wait any longer. We were supposed to meet tomorrow, but he kept talking intelligent making me wet.. and he seemed to be having the same issues with me.

I attempted to be nice and dissuade him since my cold isn’t quite over, but he seemed persistent. I sent him a racy photo. It was on.

We met at Whataburger to be safe, but it wasn’t long until we left and came to my place. Which just so happens to be on his way home from his work. Very convenient for him to come service me on the regular. 🙂 JK but not really.

Garath reminds me so much of John. In all the good ways. But additionally, we’re better suited. We like more of the same things and I get most of his references.

He’s also poly. Learned that tonight. But we also had a conversation about where we stand and not a lot about where this is going because we (aka he) don’t know.

He’s not ready to settle down. I’m not really either. He’s not into doing some of the things I want to try, but he’s very open to letting me go do whatever with whomever as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual (his words).

I had mentioned John several times during the night, and so when we were talking about dating and commitment and whatnot… he specifically said that even if we ended up in a committed relationship he’d have no issues if John and I did things together. (and by things, he meant sex.) I feel freedom and I like it.

I already know more about Garath than I’ve known about any of the men I’ve slept with, with the exceptions of the two men I was in long long term relationships with.

I feel safe. I feel heard. I feel understood.

He’s also highly intelligent in similar ways to me, so it seems easier to understand each other.

It’s comfortable and easy.. and makes my heart ache for all the years I’ve had less than this. That I settled for less because I didn’t know this was even possible. It’s like something out of a fantasy.

I didn’t want him to leave tonight, and I miss him. But it’s not as painful as it was with John.

Partly it’s less painful because we have plans already set for tomorrow, but also because I’m no longer in the “owning” mindset that I was. Don’t get me wrong, I want Garath as mine, but if he wants to be with someone else temporarily or for things I don’t bring to the relationship.. I’d not that worried.

Tonight as we talked I started to think about how perfect he was.  I mean, I know he’s not perfect. I’m not stupid. But the more we talked the more I started thinking how he’s the perfect man for me. For right now. Possibly forever.

But I didn’t tell him because I don’t want to freak him out. Chill Maruska. Chill.

Here’s the funniest thing tonight.. We’ve talked for days now, and tonight we finally met. I brought him home. I never once told him my name. So mid-sex, he asks my name. Oops.

Sometimes it seems I take internet dating security a little too far.

Garath is far far more experienced in pretty much everything than I am.  I’ve been way to sheltered for way too long. He said whatever I wanted to experience he can introduce me to the right people. DROOL. I really want him to be along with me on this journey, but he doesn’t seem to want to be. Not that he doesn’t want to be part of my life, but not a participant with the parts I’m wanting to explore. He is super encouraging in that I need to explore and learn what I like. <3

I’m hoping to convince him that we’re perfect for each other. I’m not sure how to do that, but I’m going to try. Because I’ve become addicted to having him in my life, and I am not cherishing the depression that is going to set in if he leaves.

** PS **

Garath commented that I have a large G-spot. “You could land a plane on that thing.” And even stated that I have a “hair trigger”.. which is evidently something he enjoys.

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