Dec 272011
 

When a man tells you who he is, you should really listen the first time. However, since first impressions aren’t always accurate, I decided to give Mr. Cheap from last friday a second chance.

 

Mostly I did so because he seemed very very interested in seeing me again, and didn’t seem to be just out for sex.

 

He wanted to get together Christmas Eve after he had dinner with his father, and I told him we’d see. I didn’t promise him anything. He called me around 9:30pm to see if I wanted to go out. Since we didn’t know what was open, he offered that we should go to his place for drinks.

 

Sounds like he wanted me over for sex right? Yep, thats what I thought too. By the time 9:30 rolled around, I wasn’t really wanting to go anywhere so I told him that I wasn’t comfortable enough with him to go to his apartment. Normally when I meet a man who just wants sex, I would have heard grumbling or trying to talk me into it. He didn’t balk at it all, but simply respected my decision. He did tease later that it would be a better night for him if I’d come over for a drink, and honestly, I probably would have thought him a little bit of a pussy if he hadn’t thrown in a little bit of a try.

 

We decided to try again on Christmas day if my Christmas party ended early. It didn’t. I ended up drinking a lot and not getting home till 2am.  So I asked about Monday. He called on Monday and we talked a little bit, but he was tired so we decided on Tuesday.. today.. to go for coffee. He wanted to meet during the day since he had the day off.

 

Now if he really only wanted sex, he’d have met me at night right? Anyway, we’d talked several times during the weekend and he was always respectful and never brought up sex nor once did he even attempt anything raunchy. He started to grow on me, and I could begin to see what kind of life we might have together. He also was very considerate of my issues. He seemed to accept them as just part of me, and not a detriment.

 

A couple things though had started to bug me. He didn’t seem at all open to new ideas from me. I’m not sure if he thought of them as criticism, but it wasn’t. Just a new approach to what he was doing, or feeling out the limits of his interests in his hobby. He also seemed less inclined to do something if it wasn’t his idea or within his “time frame” but these were pretty subtle so I wasn’t sure if it was just differences in communication or external conflicts that I wasn’t aware of at the time.

 

Anyway, we met today for coffee. I haven’t been feeling well due to allergies, and so he told me to take my time. He had some work to do and I could just show up whenever, he also mentioned that after coffee we should go to dinner. (Really awesome way to handle me btw. Loved it.) So I took my time getting ready and showed up around an hour later, a time estimate I had told him to expect.

 

I arrive and he greets me happily with a hug, and he walks with me up to the counter as I order my coffee. I take this as a good sign.  We have to wait in line to order, and we talk a bit. When I get to the front of the line, the server asks me what I want, and I order. He hangs back and waits “in line” till the other server is free and orders his refill from the other server. He doesn’t even attempt to pay for my coffee, which he could have done so easily as the servers both thought we were together. (This is strike two, and I’m a little ticked off. My coffee was a whole $1.75)

 

We sit down and have a working date. He’s working on his stuff, and I’m working on my stuff, applying for jobs and whatnot. Yes, he is well aware that I am looking for work. He is just not well aware of how broke I really am. (I still am about $400 short for January’s rent, and I still don’t know how I’m going to come up with it.)

 

An hour or so later, he asks if I’m ready to get some food. I say I am, and we start discussing places to go. He wants to go to an overpriced cafe, and I want to do a pizza place nearby. We decide on the pizza but it’s closed when we arrive. So we end up going to a burger place nearby. (Worst burgers in town by far btw)

 

We enter and walk up to order. He orders first, and the cashier asks, “Are these together or separate?”

 

He quickly answers, “Separate.”

 

(Strike three.)

 

So I order my burger combo. A whole $7 meal. I sit down and I’m severely disappointed in him.

 

My memory floats back to our first “date” where he mentions how careful he is with his money and how he’s managed to pay down his mortgage significantly. I call him a “Cheapskate” in my head several times, and start to really see him as selfish.

 

We get along well though, and I can see us being friends. As we leave and say goodbye, he gives me a huge hug and refuses to let go. He’s hugging me tight and massaging my back slightly. When he does finally release me a little, he moves in for a kiss. He kisses pretty well, so it’s not a total loss I guess.

 

He however has been removed from any kind of long-term dating viability. I won’t be going “out” with him again. We may possibly become friends with benefits, but we won’t be “dating”… he may not be aware of this decision. I have no idea what is going through his mind, but that is what is going through mine.

 

I may use him for sex… maybe… we’ll see. Otherwise, he’s in the “just friends” category and he won’t be getting out.

 

Done.

  12 Responses to “There’s frugal and then there’s cheap…”

  1. UGH!!! So sorry! How disappointing! You’ve got it right when you say we should pay attention to the signs. Guys show their true colors pretty fast. My two cents: if you are thinking of using him for sex, tease him about it being high time for him to buy you a drink first!

    • Naw.. no point in making him feel guilty. I’d only do that if I was never planning on seeing him again and ruled out FWB. He is who he is. I may make him buy me my expensive vodka though if I decide to use him for sex, so that he at least has decent vodka for drinks at his place. Oh, and it’ll be his responsibility to purchase the rubbers and anything else extra.

  2. UGH!!! So sorry! How disappointing! You’ve got it right when you say we should pay attention to the signs. Guys show their true colors pretty fast. My two cents: if you are thinking of using him for sex, tease him about it being high time for him to buy you a drink first!

    • Naw.. no point in making him feel guilty. I’d only do that if I was never planning on seeing him again and ruled out FWB. He is who he is. I may make him buy me my expensive vodka though if I decide to use him for sex, so that he at least has decent vodka for drinks at his place. Oh, and it’ll be his responsibility to purchase the rubbers and anything else extra.

  3. I want to be completely up in arms over this guy…like how could you even give him a kiss…I would’ve walked away as soon as he said “separate” but I also know what it is to see the whole guy…and we all have flaws (me DEFINITELY included)…and also not everyone feels the same way about money…perhaps he’s more of a give nothing when dating…share everything when married kind of guy or something.

    So in actuality…bravo for being able to see past the cheque…even if only for the potential of FWB…you are a more gracious woman than me 😉

  4. I want to be completely up in arms over this guy…like how could you even give him a kiss…I would’ve walked away as soon as he said “separate” but I also know what it is to see the whole guy…and we all have flaws (me DEFINITELY included)…and also not everyone feels the same way about money…perhaps he’s more of a give nothing when dating…share everything when married kind of guy or something.

    So in actuality…bravo for being able to see past the cheque…even if only for the potential of FWB…you are a more gracious woman than me 😉

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