Dec 182011
 

I should write here about my long week of parties and the people I met, and men and whatnot.. and maybe I will soon.. but last night around 3AM a bombshell landed.

 

Mich messaged me. He’s returned from another stint of living abroad and wants to get together sometime soon.

 

For those that don’t remember who Mich is… We almost.. maybe.. kinda? had a thing. Basically, I realized that I was head over freaking heels in love with him about a week before he left the first time. He came back in February of this year acting all weird (to put it mildly).

 

Right now, I’m torn between wanting to see him desperately, and hating him with a jealously here-before not known to me.

 

Mich is actually the kind of guy I avoid on dating profiles. He loves to travel and has absolutely no fear and no social anxiety. He makes friends easily wherever he goes, and if he had a dating profile it would read with so many life experiences it would be intimidating. He also is fully comfortable living out of a backpack and traveling the world with little to no money.

 

I am none of those things, and for the most part I’m comfortable with my own “limitations” as it were. I have my reasons, some of them good, and some of them not, for how I am. Also, there are several “life experiences” that Mich has gone through that I am more than happy not to have experienced.

 

Anyway, back to the point of my jealousy.

 

Last time, Mich returned he posted all sorts of pictures of China. He’s part-photographer so they were fantastic pictures and almost made me want to visit. Almost. I’m allergic to rice and fish, and as such have a strong fear of death when thinking of visiting China. So I was good with his travels through the Orient.

 

This time however, he’s posting pictures. Gorgeous pictures of Prague and Paris.. The two of the main European cities I’ve wanted to visit my entire life, but have never managed to yet.

 

I’m so seriously jealous it’s not even funny. I’m looking through his pictures and remembering him… what it’s like to be near him.. how much fun we have together.. and up inside me boils this anger and jealousy that I didn’t get to experience it with him.

 

It’s bordering on hating him.

 

It’s silly I know. Really silly.

 

But mostly, I think I have simply missed him. Possibly, also, the fact he’ll be returning again shortly to China and to his travels, and I’ll still be here without him trying to find rent.

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For Older posts on this on-going saga:

Saying Goodbye 

The Last Stand (the end section)

Bad Timing

He’s a Rambling Idiot

Reporting Alive

When babies are like catnip

 

  8 Responses to “He’s back and he wants to see me…”

  1. Mich is so not a keeper. He wants to get together with you because he’s in town. When he’s in some other town, he wants to get together with some other woman. Trust me. I was the female equivalent of Mich. Keep moving. Say hi to him if you want to, though why would you? Almost half the population of the world is male. Admire his photos if you must, though why would you? The Internet is filled with nice photos of wonderful places. Stay out of his bed and don’t let yourself dream of anything remotely like a long relationship. Ain’t happening. Mich is a moving target and a selfish cad.

    Honey, get happy with your ownself, then you can pay attention to men–or not–and you’ll survive it a lot better than if you look for a man first, and for yourself last. Keep getting to know and respect yourself.

    I don’t know you yet, and you could be already working on getting happy with your ownself, and if so, good for you! If you’re not already doing it–get on with it! Unfair as it seems, being desperate is not attractive. It’s not comfortable for you, yourself, either.

    Life is bursting will all manner of wonderful stuff that has nothing to do with “dating.” Get in on that. Don’t ignore the rest of life while you pine for Mr. Not Even Close to Right. Some boys never grow up. You have better things to do than to be Ms. Convenient for Mich.

    Offered with all due respect and with great hope for your happy fulfillment. No kidding.

    • I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you don’t know either of us. Otherwise, I would take great offense to what you just wrote.

      Mich is a hopeless romantic. Sorry, but no, not all men are dogs. Mich also has a very strict moral code, and when he is with a woman sexually, she is all he sees. I’ve been friends with Mich for a long time. We met through a writing group we were both in, when he was in a relationship with a woman long distance. She was the only “woman” he saw.. I might as well have been a man for all the interest he had.

      As for him and I.. we’ve never slept together and it’s not even close to being on the table. He knows it. I know it. He wouldn’t even try unless he was going to make his home here, which is why we’ve never done anything. We didn’t realize we liked each other until he was about to leave.

      As for “getting happy with myself” and “desperation”.. I’m pretty happy with being alone. It’s much better than being with the wrong man. I may occasionally be desperate to get laid, but thats not the same as being desperate for a man. Sex does not equal relationship.

      I’m not Ms Convenient for Mich. I’m “Ms. Almost” or “Ms. Someday” or maybe simply “Ms. Confidant/Friend”…

      It is tough being with him and around him. I do love him, and that makes it hard. I think it’d be easier if I was with someone else, or if I knew he was, then we could fully go back to “just friends”… but seeing him and knowing “we could”.. but not being able to because we both know it’s not the right time for us.. or if there ever will be a right time for us… It’s painful… but also, not seeing him is giving up.. or him not notifying me he was in town, would be giving up… and we’re not to that point yet. It’s all “someday”.. “maybe”.. You know if we’re both in the same place and still single.. maybe.. kinda thing.

      More than anything we want each other to be happy.

      From your comment, I feel sad for you. It sounds like you’ve never experienced this, and that makes me sad.

  2. Mich is so not a keeper. He wants to get together with you because he’s in town. When he’s in some other town, he wants to get together with some other woman. Trust me. I was the female equivalent of Mich. Keep moving. Say hi to him if you want to, though why would you? Almost half the population of the world is male. Admire his photos if you must, though why would you? The Internet is filled with nice photos of wonderful places. Stay out of his bed and don’t let yourself dream of anything remotely like a long relationship. Ain’t happening. Mich is a moving target and a selfish cad.

    Honey, get happy with your ownself, then you can pay attention to men–or not–and you’ll survive it a lot better than if you look for a man first, and for yourself last. Keep getting to know and respect yourself.

    I don’t know you yet, and you could be already working on getting happy with your ownself, and if so, good for you! If you’re not already doing it–get on with it! Unfair as it seems, being desperate is not attractive. It’s not comfortable for you, yourself, either.

    Life is bursting will all manner of wonderful stuff that has nothing to do with “dating.” Get in on that. Don’t ignore the rest of life while you pine for Mr. Not Even Close to Right. Some boys never grow up. You have better things to do than to be Ms. Convenient for Mich.

    Offered with all due respect and with great hope for your happy fulfillment. No kidding.

    • I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you don’t know either of us. Otherwise, I would take great offense to what you just wrote.

      Mich is a hopeless romantic. Sorry, but no, not all men are dogs. Mich also has a very strict moral code, and when he is with a woman sexually, she is all he sees. I’ve been friends with Mich for a long time. We met through a writing group we were both in, when he was in a relationship with a woman long distance. She was the only “woman” he saw.. I might as well have been a man for all the interest he had.

      As for him and I.. we’ve never slept together and it’s not even close to being on the table. He knows it. I know it. He wouldn’t even try unless he was going to make his home here, which is why we’ve never done anything. We didn’t realize we liked each other until he was about to leave.

      As for “getting happy with myself” and “desperation”.. I’m pretty happy with being alone. It’s much better than being with the wrong man. I may occasionally be desperate to get laid, but thats not the same as being desperate for a man. Sex does not equal relationship.

      I’m not Ms Convenient for Mich. I’m “Ms. Almost” or “Ms. Someday” or maybe simply “Ms. Confidant/Friend”…

      It is tough being with him and around him. I do love him, and that makes it hard. I think it’d be easier if I was with someone else, or if I knew he was, then we could fully go back to “just friends”… but seeing him and knowing “we could”.. but not being able to because we both know it’s not the right time for us.. or if there ever will be a right time for us… It’s painful… but also, not seeing him is giving up.. or him not notifying me he was in town, would be giving up… and we’re not to that point yet. It’s all “someday”.. “maybe”.. You know if we’re both in the same place and still single.. maybe.. kinda thing.

      More than anything we want each other to be happy.

      From your comment, I feel sad for you. It sounds like you’ve never experienced this, and that makes me sad.

  3. M, None of what you wrote in your reply to LRHunter is stated in your post. It is easy for a reader to draw conclusions based on only what is written. I would have enjoyed reading the details you put into your comment in the initial post; it would have helped me understand and empathize more as a reader. I understand that writing the posts may be entirely for yourself first and it may not matter what the reader draws from it. But then we cannot be too concerned when their comments seem out of place or incorrect. In the end she wished you well, which was at the heart of her statements. All too often women posting dating stories are exactly the type she described. Only because I’ve read you for *gasp* — has it been almost 2 years now — awhile can I understand that there’s more to you than what’s stated in this post.

    • Thanks for your insight LS. I knew I left a lot out of the post which is why I put links to the other stories about Mich. (Btw he also helped me move out of my ex-husband’s house and has met my parents which I don’t think I’ve written about here.) This was merely an update, and I guess since so much time had lapsed I should have put more info into it rather and just the links. I suppose I was being lazy. 🙂

  4. M, None of what you wrote in your reply to LRHunter is stated in your post. It is easy for a reader to draw conclusions based on only what is written. I would have enjoyed reading the details you put into your comment in the initial post; it would have helped me understand and empathize more as a reader. I understand that writing the posts may be entirely for yourself first and it may not matter what the reader draws from it. But then we cannot be too concerned when their comments seem out of place or incorrect. In the end she wished you well, which was at the heart of her statements. All too often women posting dating stories are exactly the type she described. Only because I’ve read you for *gasp* — has it been almost 2 years now — awhile can I understand that there’s more to you than what’s stated in this post.

    • Thanks for your insight LS. I knew I left a lot out of the post which is why I put links to the other stories about Mich. (Btw he also helped me move out of my ex-husband’s house and has met my parents which I don’t think I’ve written about here.) This was merely an update, and I guess since so much time had lapsed I should have put more info into it rather and just the links. I suppose I was being lazy. 🙂

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