Mich messaged me. He’s returned from another stint of living abroad and wants to get together sometime soon.
For those that don’t remember who Mich is… We almost.. maybe.. kinda? had a thing. Basically, I realized that I was head over freaking heels in love with him about a week before he left the first time. He came back in February of this year acting all weird (to put it mildly).
Right now, I’m torn between wanting to see him desperately, and hating him with a jealously here-before not known to me.
Mich is actually the kind of guy I avoid on dating profiles. He loves to travel and has absolutely no fear and no social anxiety. He makes friends easily wherever he goes, and if he had a dating profile it would read with so many life experiences it would be intimidating. He also is fully comfortable living out of a backpack and traveling the world with little to no money.
I am none of those things, and for the most part I’m comfortable with my own “limitations” as it were. I have my reasons, some of them good, and some of them not, for how I am. Also, there are several “life experiences” that Mich has gone through that I am more than happy not to have experienced.
Anyway, back to the point of my jealousy.
Last time, Mich returned he posted all sorts of pictures of China. He’s part-photographer so they were fantastic pictures and almost made me want to visit. Almost. I’m allergic to rice and fish, and as such have a strong fear of death when thinking of visiting China. So I was good with his travels through the Orient.
This time however, he’s posting pictures. Gorgeous pictures of Prague and Paris.. The two of the main European cities I’ve wanted to visit my entire life, but have never managed to yet.
I’m so seriously jealous it’s not even funny. I’m looking through his pictures and remembering him… what it’s like to be near him.. how much fun we have together.. and up inside me boils this anger and jealousy that I didn’t get to experience it with him.
It’s bordering on hating him.
It’s silly I know. Really silly.
But mostly, I think I have simply missed him. Possibly, also, the fact he’ll be returning again shortly to China and to his travels, and I’ll still be here without him trying to find rent.
For Older posts on this on-going saga:
The Last Stand (the end section)