So, tonight was interesting. I went out to party with some friends, and initially on entering I felt like no one really gave a crap if I was there. Maybe we don’t hang out enough or something. I am quite a bit of a loner a lot of the time, so my judgement on how often you have to see people to be “friends” might be a bit off.
Some of these are people that if they asked for help moving, I’d rearrange my schedule to help. Cuz thats how I roll, and its possible its just my spring depression, but I definitely got the impression from several of them tonight that I’m just that girl who they happen to remember her name.
It didn’t help my day any. I woke up today pretty much feeling like a bloated whale. Walked out of my apartment to go to the party to find a note from my landlord stating that they were not going to let me renew my lease, so I have to find a new place to live. Then on the way to the party, a nice lady rear-ended me.
So by the time I got there, I needed a hug. A big damn assed hug. That I wasn’t greeted with one.. might have contributed to my initial feelings that no one gave a crap.
So I strolled over to the bar and ordered a beer, and then performed my signature disappearing act of running to the bathroom to … well.. 1. Go potty… and 2. Relax. Take a deep breath, and say a few “Fuck You’s” under my breath until I no longer cared if anyone at the party acknowledged me or not.
I walk out of the bathroom to find one of my favorite married men. I absolutely love talking to him as we are much of the same spirit when it comes to social events. He’s a little more outgoing than I am, but we’d both just rather sit in the corner with a few good buddies and drink beer.
He was sitting in the corner relaxing, and when he saw me, he shouted an excited, “Hey Maruska! How you been!?!” Then rounded the table in front of him to give me a hug. (See this is how I’m used to being greeted when I go to party with my friends.)
I sat and lurked in that corner with him for quite awhile before I decided to go mingle. I believe I was on my second beer by then as well. It helped that some boring woman came to sit next to me and talked my ear off about the joys of moving to po-dunk-town nearby. I needed to flee.
I run around the party.. almost literally. “Hey.” “Hi” “Oh good to see you” to people I don’t know, or I do know and they irritate the crap out of me.
I do finally run into a few people I do know. I get happy greetings from a few of them, and very meh greetings from a couple others.
One of the guys that I keep thinking we’re “Friends” only to find we’re not really… pretty much ignored me all night until the very end, which is kind of his MO lately. He made sure to introduce every girl in his company whenever I happened to run into him. Bragging about me as a professional contact, but otherwise ignoring me. No real honest “Hey how are you? long time no see.”.. until the party was pretty much over and then he was all “Mr Prolonged hug with nuzzling and sexual flirting”.
Can you say… “Bite me”?
Then there was the youngin. I’ve written about him before with a “WTF” and “I’m so confused” stance. He always seems to seek me out at these parties and talk to me for hours.. and even flirt with me a little.
He’s always been sweet and seems always happy to see me.. which I have never figured out why.. though now I have a better idea.
One thing lead to another… I brought a friend over to introduce to him, and he got quiet. It wasn’t a good quiet. It was one of those “You ran over my dog” “We need to talk, but I don’t know how to tell you this” “How do I suddenly cease to exist in this moment?” kind of looks. One of those painful and uneasy looks where you know you’re going to have an awkward conversation and someone is going to get hurt and you don’t want to cause it.
He thought I was hitting on him.. not just innocent flirting.. but actual hitting on him and wanting to date him. He was trying hard to find a way to tell me he wasn’t interested. He looked like a wounded pup.
I pulled him aside, “Hey, hey… whats wrong?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but he actually looked worse for a moment.
“Hey.. look, whatever it is.. just tell me. It’ll be ok.”
He then admitted that he was afraid that I was being led on (I wasn’t, I was just being friendly.. not that I’m not attracted to him, but he’s too young for me to really take seriously.) and then we talked. The contents of that conversation I cannot reveal to you exactly.
It boiled down to this… While he finds me an attractive, interesting, and fun woman.. I am not the person he has his eye on. He merely enjoys my company and finds me to be a good friend.
He managed to get quite drunk as the night rolled on. So much so, that I began to worry about him. The person he has his eye on, I do not believe returns his affections, and so I believe he tries to self-medicate.
We hung out quite a bit… most of it was me being a worry-wart. I care about the poor lad, and wanted to make sure he was ok and had someone to talk to.
His friends came by later to drag him to a new bar. We said our goodbyes.
One of his friends confessed to me as they were leaving, “You know, he’s missed you.” Which I thought was sweet. Somehow I must have become that “safe place” at parties for him. The person he could talk to and just relax. It can be hard when you’re in a new town to find those people that make you feel home. We have not talked “deep” enough or often enough for it to be anything else.
A few minutes after he left, I said my goodbyes to the remaining few and walked to my car.