In the last month, I’ve gained 20 lbs. Count them.. One.. two.. three… TWENTY freaking pounds. Obviously my food experiments of late (also known as experimental diets) are not working out like I’d hoped. While this is not the point of this post, I mention it in an effort to shed some light on why I’m WTFing.
I went out last night. One of my organizations was having a holiday party, and so I decided to go. I knew it would be full of all my happily married friends so there wasn’t a whole lot of pressure to look “hot” like there would be if I went to a singles event. I mostly just went to party-down with some good friends in a relaxed easy setting.
I drive there and go to find parking. Things are tight right now, so I’m not about to pay for parking. I do a round around the area to find some free street parking. I find one 3 parking spots away from the bar. (Seriously it’s like the world loves me again.. maybe it’s pity, I dunno.)
I walk in wearing jeans, my second sexiest shoe I have, a deep cut sweater. I know I look good for my size (I’m allowed to say that, I just gained 20 pounds in 30 days), but I know I’m not quite as gorgeous as I was 20 pounds ago.
I’m there not even 5 minutes and I’m being chatting up by some random dude I don’t know. He’s all about touching my sweater. It’s been God only knows when since I’ve had sex, so I let him. Oh hell, I’m encouraging it. He was probably married. I didn’t care to find out, because I was quickly distracted.
La European dude came up and engaged me in conversation. We barely know each other, and have spoken maybe three words to each other prior to this, and never any one on one.
He’d asked me some question about where was so-and-so, and stayed to chat a while. La European is hot. He’s hot, married, with a small child that he dotes on and his eyes get that proud papa look when he talks about her. Most importantly La European has the sexiest voice EVER. Maybe not ever, but close. Sometimes he pronounces words in a way that I cannot understand, but his accent is lovely enough that I don’t care. Smile, Nod, Drool.
Evidently I smile and drool well enough, because he buys me a drink.
This was my first 30 minutes at the party. After that, things got weirder.
I ran into some friends, said hi, blah blah blah (it was good conversation, but boring for you all I promise). I’m chatting with this guy I flirt with on a regular basis. I may have written about him before as he’s regularly had discussions with me that he’s not ready for a relationship and just wants something casual with a tone of “not with you”. On his other side is Hock, and since Hock and I have had this truce now, Hock says hi. Then Hock runs off.
I ran into Hock several more times that night, and towards the end he actually started to talk to me and try to engage me in conversation. My head spinned a bit, and then nearly fell off when Hock tried to give me a hug goodnight.
What the hell? To go from treating me like I’ve got the plague, to seeking me out for a goodnight hug? I decided to write it off as him having drank too much.
Then my favorite youngin shows up. He’s too young for me, but never acts it. He often acts older than some of the 30-something guys I know. He’s also a LOT cuter. We chat for a while, and I introduce him to some other people I know. Then I run into a friend of his, and he pulls me into a long discussion about this that and the other thing. Between him and his friend, most of the party I’m finding myself occupied by one of them.
Then while I’m finally chatting with some friends, this other guy runs up. This new guy and I went out once. Once as in one date. We’ve not really spoken since. Since we have shared friends, of course, there’s been the little chatter, but nothing personal.
He walks up and greets me as if he hasn’t seen me in ages and OMG there I am. He didn’t say that, but that was his tone. He was leaving and went in for a hug, and told me how good it was to see me. Boggle.
Ok, fine. The men are all drunk. They’re not acting drunk. No one is slurring, but seriously did they put something in the water?
Then I decide to go get food. I didn’t eat all day, and forgot to grab something before the party. So I asked around to see if anyone wanted to join me. Nada. No one. I even asked my youngin’s friend if they wanted to join me, and he said he wasn’t hungry.
I was a little upset that in a party of nearly 100 people, not one of them was hungry, but I went to get food anyway.
On my way out though, I ran into the youngin and mentioned that I was getting food. He said he’d been trying to talk people into food as well. I invited him to join me. I told him exactly where I was eating and that I’d meet him there in a few minutes if he was interested in eating to come join me. He had to check with his friends.
So I head over to the cafe, and get a small table in the bar area. Not 3 minutes later, in walks the youngin and his friend. (You know the two that kept talking to me all during the party.) I see them, and I assume they didn’t see me, so I went up to the bar where they were and said hi. They said they were ordering food to go. So I returned to my table.
They did not come over and keep me company while they waited for their food. They essentially ignored me.
Fine. I ate, finished, paid, and since I had to walk by them on my way out, I said goodbye and asked if they were heading to the next party or not. They hesitated and pretty much blew me off.
Whatever. No biggie, but I made notes not to give them so much of my attention again. They obviously did not deserve it.
So I head over to meet friends at the next party, and find them in the back of the bar causing a scene. This is normal for them. As a group, we tend to just take over whatever bar we’re at.
About 5 minutes later, in walks the youngin. He’s hanging with his friends on the other side of the bar where people more his age are partying. Then I see him looking around. He comes over to my side of the bar, directly to me. He asks how things are going, and comments how he couldn’t believe that I sat and ate and got out of the cafe before him. He said he was hoping ordering it “to-go” would make it a faster trip.
He then gets nervous. He’s a little shy, in case I forgot to mention that, but his friend isn’t. So that he’s over on my side of the bar by himself is a little odd. Anyway, he points out that he’s partying with his friends on the other side of the bar, and invites me to join them if I want, then he walks back over to the other side of the bar.
BOGGLE. At this point, I realize that life is not supposed to make any sense. Men are not supposed to make any freaking sense at all.
While I’m still boggling from the youngin, another guy comes up and tries to talk to me. I can’t hear squat. It’s loud and he’s talking quiet. This guy might be a year older than the youngin, maybe, and he’s either after my wallet or he’s flirting with me. I’m extra confused because he’s dressed like a waiter. Oversized white dress shirt, black pants, black vest. I can’t hear him and because of how we were standing I couldn’t clearly see if he had on a waiter-belt or not. I honestly thought he was a waiter, so why he was flirting with me at the bar confused the hell out of me.
He finally asked loudly, “You didn’t hear a word I’ve been saying have you?”
I smiled politely trying not to offend him. “No not really.”
He left quickly, never to be seen again.
My friend on the other side of me asked what I was doing. She was confused. I asked her if she thought he was a waiter. I thought he was a waiter and I was confused. She looked at me like I’d lost my mind, and said, “No there’s no waiters here.”
To cute young boy that was 1/3 my size who was trying to pick me up at the bar last night: I’m sorry, I really thought you were a waiter. My bad.
Not 20 minutes later, in comes “One date Wonder” from earlier with what seems to be a girlfriend. (They walked in holding hands and acting all couplish.) He’s all chatty and jovial, and buys me a drink. Whaaaa the huh?
He goes away, comes back, and tries to be all conversational. My head is still spinning. This is the most conversation we’ve ever attempted in months. The most conversation we’ve had since the date. I’m really not sure what to make of it. I’m thinking he’s crazy.
Then.. just as added topping to the crazy men pie of the evening. Comes my flirt friend (mentioned earlier).
He’s been around flirting with every woman there. Myself included. We’re friends, more than friends, but just friends.. in an odd weird way that makes sense to me if I just put him in the “not interested” category. Which is where he sits most of the time, because often while he shows me that we’re friends, he’s busy quite clearly showing sincere interest in someone else.
It’s getting to be the end of the night, but there’s still a couple girls around. I’m tired, bored, and ready for the world to make sense.. so I decide to go home.
I start getting ready to go, and he’s standing right next to me.
He immediately says, “I’m not leaving. I’m waiting until this is over.”
Uh dude, I didn’t ask you to come with me, but thanks for so quickly not offering. What the hell..
Then he goes to give me a hug, and he holds on for dear life. He’s a great hugger normally, but this was abnormal for him.
I go to put my coat on, and he holds it for me. Yes, he’s a gentleman, but he’s not normally this gentlemanly. I swear with everything already that night, my mind was about to explode.
We hug several more times (I kept saying I was going, and then getting ADD distracted with something else), before I finally left. Each hug got longer, and less friend-like. The last hug, he clearly nuzzled my neck in a much more than friendly way.
I swear.. maybe its the holidays? maybe its something in the water? maybe I look sexier with 20 lbs? Oh hell who knows.. But the men in Austin have done lost their damn minds.