Oct 042010

The other night I was out helping a friend celebrate their birthday. I’m using the term “friend” loosely as I am not that close with this girl, but she’s a great gal and a lot of fun and runs in some of the same circles as me… a circle that I’ve sorely neglected as of late (and by late, I mean I’ve not been out in that circle but maybe once in the last 6 months).  So I had some catching up to do.

Anyway… in the party of us was this guy.  I could tell he was friends with her and not really anyone else.. or else he was really damn shy. Later I realized the former was the truth, as well as the later.

He was roughly 6’2, larger built but not Dom DeLuise yet anyway. His face was attractive, but his hair was longer between chin and shoulder length.. not something I generally find attractive, but it didn’t look stupid on him so I could live with it. He gave off this aura of either being extremely geeky – like sexy geeky – or that he was a stupid pot-addled buffoon. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference with certain men.

Initially we weren’t in the position to talk to each other, trapped on opposites sides of a seated table, so I had to wait to find out if he was geeky or a buffoon. I spied on him at the short distance, watching his motions and gestures, and his seeming inability or maybe lack of desire to talk to anyone but the birthday girl.

Then we moved the party to a club. On the way there, I managed to find out that he was in fact just a friend of the birthday girl. A friend friend. They might have had some kind of history, but it was definitely historical, buried deep like an ancient tome if there had been something there at one time.

So I took that as a green light to safely flirt with him should the occasion arise. And it did.

Shortly after arriving at the new location, I found myself in a one on one conversation with him. It wasn’t a long conversation, but he was flirting (feeling me out) and I was doing the same. Somewhere about 3 minutes into the conversation, I got bored.. distracted actually by the birthday girl.. and the conversation ended.

I had gotten this “don’t date him” vibe from talking with him as well. I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I was still half-interested… And then…

Before I continue, let me just back up and tell you about our surroundings.

We’re at a club/bar. People are getting a little buzzed and starting to dance. Near to us there is a bachelorette party where a woman (clearly in her late 30’s) is wearing a hootchie-mama dress, and so drunk off her ass that she was doing less dancing and more of a rhythmic stumbling while playing grab-ass with anyone nearby. By anyone.. I do mean ANYONE. Guy, Girl, Trans, Gay, Straight… if it had a heartbeat, she was on it.

Just so you all know.. she was not the “bride” but just one of the girls in the party.

Anyway, I ended the conversation with the guy to go spend some time with my friend, and do some more catching up. It was her birthday after all.

Next thing I know, he has moved over closer to the drunk slut and starts to dance with her.

Dear Men.. if you are at all interested in a girl, and in front of her you run off to some drunken chick with the morals and self-restraint of pre-paid whore… I guarantee you that girl will not want to ride you ever. (if for no other reason, the diseases you might be carrying if you’re that “selective”)

Turns out the girl was married, and her friends were not letting her actually run off with a guy. I’m not sure which I felt more sorry for.. her, her friends, or her husband.  Hopefully she’s in one of those open relationships or that her husband actually gets off on hearing about her being slutty in public. I’m just going to pretend that it was all a performance to turn her husband on.

But, that wasn’t the end of it… Drunk Girl found her way over to me.

I am not.. and have never been.. a touchy feely girl-on-girl kinda girl. (Sorry guys) My physical interactions with girls is the same as most straight men’s interactions with other straight men. A hug with shoulders but nothing else touching is about as far as it goes.

So as she made her way in my direction, I tried to move out of her way. I didn’t want to have a scene. But she kept coming, and grabbed my hand trying to pull me out on the dance floor with her. I’d seen her dancing style with the other girls. It was full-body contact grinding, sex-with-clothes-on kinda dancing. I wasn’t about to join her on the dance floor, so I pulled my hand back.

She didn’t want to take “No” for an answer. She tried turning on the drunk charm. She was physically a hot woman, and she wasn’t holding back. The more she tried, the more I felt sick at the sight of her.  At one point, she attempted to caress my face with her hand, which I being sober and her being drunk, I managed to dodge quite effectively. She called me a prude, and I felt complimented. She didn’t come after me again.

However, at the end of the night.. Geek-Buffoon-Guy did attempt to get closer to me. Flirting. Attempting to charm me. But after seeing his attempts to get into the short shirt of Drunk Girl, all I could smell was “Eau De Desperation” on him.

I’d rather be celibate.

  2 Responses to “From Attractive to Eww in 60 seconds”

  1. makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

  2. makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

Leave a Reply