Aug 222010
 

Fooled Again.

See, I should have seen this coming. Actually I did see this coming, I just ignored it.

I mean…

No man can possibly “Love” you and know for certain that he will want you “no matter what” from simply talking to you online.

Or at least no man in his right mind.

There were other signs. Like being so excited to meet me, planning romantic dates, and yet he wasn’t so into me that he ever felt the urge to read past posts on my blog.

Not to mention that he’s recently divorced and hadn’t had sex since his ex.

So… yeah.. I’m pretty damn stupid and I should have seen this coming.

Sadly, I’m not as pissed about feeling used for sex, as I am at myself for allowing myself to believe this guy genuinely liked me and wanted to be with me.

The signs were there. He wanted to be in love, and he was desperate for someone to love him back the same way he loved on them.

He’d worn me down to believing in us, but not enough to throw all caution to the wind and fall head over heels.

Back in the day, I used to fall in love easily. Infatuation mostly. I’d fall fast and hard and get massively hurt. I don’t fall that easy, or I try not to anymore.

But he’d worked on me. Weeks.. Months.. of constantly asking me how I was, talking, chatting, 6 hour phone calls. He was there. He’d claim he wanted what I wanted. It was suspicious, but he was persuasive.

By the time we’d finally met, I was convinced that he really did like me. I also knew that he secretly wanted a relationship, but would agree to whatever I would allow.

The chemistry was great… the sex itself was not. It was something to work on… but had the sex been great, I highly doubt I’d have been able to resist “His & Hers” towels.

We had a conversation style where honesty just happened. So at the end of the weekend, I told him that I wasn’t ready to be exclusive, but I still wanted to see him.  I could tell it wasn’t what he was hoping for, but that he still wanted to pursue us.

He seemed sold on me.. or so I thought..

Then silence. No messages. No phone calls. I’d gotten so used to him contacting me that I got worried. So I called him. He claimed to be busy.

The next day silence. He’s not contacting me. I wigg out. He finally tells me he met a girl online and has a date in two days. This is not unusual talk for us, as we’ve discussed his dates in the past. I expect to hear every detail as I did before.

Only he’s quiet. I wigg out. He calls to assure me that he’s there for me. And wasn’t this what I wanted? (dating other people yes.. being ignored and left out while you do it? No.)

48 hours after parting with me, he meets a girl online. 48 hours later he’s on a date with her. Then on his facebook he posts that “within 48 hours he’s gotten this job he wanted, and just met someone special.”

This job was something we’d both been waiting to hear if he’d gotten. He never contacted me to tell me the joyous news. He honestly hasn’t contacted me at all.

10 days ago, you couldn’t keep him from talking to me. Actually, 7 days ago, you couldn’t keep us apart.

Now he’s head over heels in love with someone else. His facebook is all about her, and posts from her… and he’s even friended her friends and hopes to meet them soon.

It’s no wonder women hate men, I’m already more bitter than I have been in … well probably a good decade.

And I hate myself for falling for him at all.. and I hate that I’m filled with anger.. and I hate him for breaking me down and giving me hope, and letting myself open up to the idea of a relationship.

I was perfectly happy with finding something casual.. and non-committal.. and now..

And now I want someone to hold me at night. I want to grow with someone, be with someone special.

And I especially hate him for that.

  16 Responses to “The Fool Foiled Again”

  1. Wow. Just…wow.

  2. Wow. Just…wow.

  3. ok, I need a name and address and I will be more than happy to kick his ass for you. I REALLY don’t like it when people hurt my best friend. It makes me cranky, add PMS to that and uncertainty in my life and it just makes me damned angry! It’s not good for the Holi to be angry. We will plot and we will win!!! 🙂

  4. ok, I need a name and address and I will be more than happy to kick his ass for you. I REALLY don’t like it when people hurt my best friend. It makes me cranky, add PMS to that and uncertainty in my life and it just makes me damned angry! It’s not good for the Holi to be angry. We will plot and we will win!!! 🙂

  5. "The Fool Foiled Again | Dating 2.0 – Dating Take-Two" – http://ow.ly/2tB0l

  6. "The Fool Foiled Again | Dating 2.0 – Dating Take-Two" – http://ow.ly/2tB0l

  7. New Post: The Fool Foiled Again – No man can possibly "Love" you and know for certain that he will want you "no matt… http://ow.ly/18H7kO

  8. New Post: The Fool Foiled Again – No man can possibly "Love" you and know for certain that he will want you "no matt… http://ow.ly/18H7kO

  9. Now, I don’t know a damn thing, nor do I give a rat’s ass about this guy. But this and the previous post, taken together, remind me of a story. Why is left as an exercise for the reader.

    When I was in high school, I (computer geek that I was) asked out the hot girl. I was shut down rather unceremoneously. I went whining to my father, who said, in response: “Mikey listen…” looking over the top of his glasses, “no matter how beautiful a girl is, SOMEwhere, there’s a man who’s sick of her shit.”

    I thought (at 16) that was the most offensive thing I’d ever heard. It wasn’t until I was 23-24 and I’d worked my way up through the ranks until I realized that I’d look at a girl, decked out, walking down broadway in soho, nyc thinking “my god, she is someone’s personal fucking nightmare” that I realized ‘holy shit! dad was right!”

  10. Now, I don’t know a damn thing, nor do I give a rat’s ass about this guy. But this and the previous post, taken together, remind me of a story. Why is left as an exercise for the reader.

    When I was in high school, I (computer geek that I was) asked out the hot girl. I was shut down rather unceremoneously. I went whining to my father, who said, in response: “Mikey listen…” looking over the top of his glasses, “no matter how beautiful a girl is, SOMEwhere, there’s a man who’s sick of her shit.”

    I thought (at 16) that was the most offensive thing I’d ever heard. It wasn’t until I was 23-24 and I’d worked my way up through the ranks until I realized that I’d look at a girl, decked out, walking down broadway in soho, nyc thinking “my god, she is someone’s personal fucking nightmare” that I realized ‘holy shit! dad was right!”

  11. I ashamedly admit that I was this guy once, though I only worked the girl for a month and it wasn’t a wedding, “only” a two-year long, she-loves-me-she-loves-me-not relationship. In 20/20 hindsight, I should have ended things after the first lap on the she-loves-me-she-loves-me-not merry-go round.

    I felt like a moron after dumping the rebound, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere and that she was just a pawn in my rebound game. I’m in no means justifying what this guy did to you, but this is classic rebound behavior.

    There’s a certain mystique about being with someone who just got out of an LTR/marriage, particularly those that went through somewhat messy break-ups. You want to be their savior, the one who nurses them back to health. And in a way, you are their savior/nurse. You do this so well that they get nursed back to full dating health and then you end up out of the picture. After all, he/she already got what they needed out of you at that point. Does that make sense?

    Just my two cents. Keep on going on those dates and keeping us posted!

    • I’m familiar with that “disease” as well.. the “fix-em” disease. I’ve had that with 90% of my ex’s. However, this one wasn’t that kind of the thing at all.

      He didn’t need obvious fixing and if anything, it was he who had the “fix-em” thing for me rather than the other way around.

      One of the reasons I held back from agreeing to a relationship was that there were problems, and I refused to “fix him” or even entertain the notion that I would.

      Honestly anymore… if I start to feel that whole “I can fix him” vibe.. or even slight “he’d be better if he”.. I just start walking away. I don’t want someone I feel the need to fix. I want someone that I can work on the relationship together, as an equal partner. Supporting each other.. not fixing each other. We can only really fix ourselves.

  12. I ashamedly admit that I was this guy once, though I only worked the girl for a month and it wasn’t a wedding, “only” a two-year long, she-loves-me-she-loves-me-not relationship. In 20/20 hindsight, I should have ended things after the first lap on the she-loves-me-she-loves-me-not merry-go round.

    I felt like a moron after dumping the rebound, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere and that she was just a pawn in my rebound game. I’m in no means justifying what this guy did to you, but this is classic rebound behavior.

    There’s a certain mystique about being with someone who just got out of an LTR/marriage, particularly those that went through somewhat messy break-ups. You want to be their savior, the one who nurses them back to health. And in a way, you are their savior/nurse. You do this so well that they get nursed back to full dating health and then you end up out of the picture. After all, he/she already got what they needed out of you at that point. Does that make sense?

    Just my two cents. Keep on going on those dates and keeping us posted!

    • I’m familiar with that “disease” as well.. the “fix-em” disease. I’ve had that with 90% of my ex’s. However, this one wasn’t that kind of the thing at all.

      He didn’t need obvious fixing and if anything, it was he who had the “fix-em” thing for me rather than the other way around.

      One of the reasons I held back from agreeing to a relationship was that there were problems, and I refused to “fix him” or even entertain the notion that I would.

      Honestly anymore… if I start to feel that whole “I can fix him” vibe.. or even slight “he’d be better if he”.. I just start walking away. I don’t want someone I feel the need to fix. I want someone that I can work on the relationship together, as an equal partner. Supporting each other.. not fixing each other. We can only really fix ourselves.

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