May 032010
 
Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m a mental case, saying I want one thing and in reality wanting something else… or if the standards I have for what I want are just wrong or unreasonable. Or?
Hock texted me at 3am.  I knew he’d been out all night drinking and having fun because we follow each other on Twitter and thus I see his Foursquare posts. That he was out all night, I didn’t care really and it mattered not. It was merely just twitterfeed.
But am I out of my mind to be “offended” or otherwise upset for him texting me at 3am wondering what I’m doing so he can ask me to get together to screw around?
I am highly sensitive to feeling like someone’s last choice or “well if there’s nothing else, she’ll do”.. and I do not bear it well. Which is exactly how I perceive a 3 am bootycall text.
At first, I thought he was drunk and was merely going to tell him to go get some sleep. If he was drunk, I could forgive it or at least give him some leeway. But he assured me he was sober and driving home past my place.
Trying to get a booty call from me at 3am.. Never going to happen.
I told him I wasn’t the “booty call kind of girl”. 
He apologized. We texted a bit more, but now I’m even more not sure if I should go to that party he invited me to..
Do I go and make nice and be “friends” and forgive him?  Or do I stay home, and let things fade completely?
I was up most of the night (insomnia not related to this) and pondered this because well it really upset me. I really didn’t expect him to think that that kind of behavior was acceptable. The more I thought about it the more upset and pissed off I got.
No one calls or texts someone they barely know at 3 am for any reason other than a major emergency and they can’t get a hold of anyone else. 
Had we had a long history of bootycall behavior in which him calling me last minute for sex was known to be ok, I could have bore it better. But we don’t. We actually never discussed bootycalls at all, and were only together once. Not wanting a serious relationship does not indicate that courtesy and respect goes out the window, or at least it shouldn’t.
Had he called me or texted me earlier in the evening and set up a “sex date”, I’d have been more willing to say yes or at least considered it without being this offended/upset. But, no no, he texts me as he’s driving home at 3 am hoping that I’m awake and horny. 
Right or wrong, his actions indicate to me that he doesn’t really respect me as a person and I feel cheap.
As angry at him that I am, I’m equally angry with myself..  justly or unjustly I blame myself.
It’s little events like this that make me never want to open my legs again.

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