Feb 142010
 
To tell you the truth, I really thought I was going go get through Valentines Day just fine.
I also think this every year.. and like my birthday.. it always manages get to get me down.  I always seem to find new ways to make the day less impressive and more horrid than the last.  Mostly this is mental or perspective, I’m sure.
But the evening of the 12th, I thought I’d watch “Couples Retreat”. A funny romantic comedy which I’d not seen yet.  
The entire movie is about married couples getting back together and in love. Awwww
PUKE (also insert anger, resentment, and hurt)
Then there’s Mac.  It’s not been any secret that I’ve been a little too into Mac.  I thought I did fairly well at not showing him how crazy I was about him, while maintaining that I was interested .. you know without crossing the line. (Even though I’d crossed that line like a week or so ago, I thought I did well at not showing it).
I think I failed.  This week, he’s been much less chatty. Though he did initiate text conversations, he exited mid-conversation when we’d just started actually talking about something. Just Poof.  It angered me, but hey.. its his choice right?
So after leaving me hanging from Tues.. On Thursday I texted him a simple retraction of my unanswered text about liking a challenge
 “I’m sorry I lied. I like things easy. Easy and Exciting” “Hope you’re having a good week”
He replied, “Give me an example.. Like naked people running through your office??? LOL” and “My week just started last night. So far so good.”
Our previous conversation had nothing to do with naked people or sex directly so I was a little miffed that he jumped there.  Plus, I’ve been waiting for him to ask me out, even just to meet up for coffee, and his “week just started” note meant that he’d just had a couple days off.. Days off with no word from him. That always makes a girl feel special.
I let his text just sit. I didn’t reply right away like I normally did.  On Friday night (Saturday AM at 4:45am) I replied.
“Yep. Naked people. Exactly what I had in mind. LOL”  (this is what I came up with after editing and deleting several messages that all ended up saying “Whatever jerkoff”)
He replies the next morning: “Naked people are always cool.” and “445 am? You were definitely thinking about naked people.”
ME: “Funny. Its called insomnia. :P”
Him: “In-sex-ia? Lmao. Sex cures all. Well, clean great sex cures all.”
Maybe I opened the door by my text at 4:45am? Maybe I gave him the idea that this line of conversation was appropriate, despite our not having gone out on a date yet.. Maybe I asked for this?
But I was not amused. I honestly didn’t even know how to reply. The only thing I could think was… “I’m done”.. which I didn’t text.
Instead, I said: “Ok. Have fun with that.”
He replied. “Have fun with what? I just made a comic statement.”
I haven’t replied. Maybe I’m shooting myself in foot by taking this so serious? Maybe he is joking? Maybe he’s not really just after sex?
But everything in my experience says that he doesn’t want anything but sex… And since I do like him.. I’m going to end up feeling used.
So… Dear Readers… Should I reply?
I really don’t think I should. I grieved all day yesterday for the loss of him as a hopeful. I’ve almost sentenced him to a fate as a “Bad Pal” – but since things were so good at the beginning.. I’m hesitating.
With that, and the “Couples” movie… Valentines day has gotten me down. 
Fuck You Valentines Day!

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