So I ran across this blog article today, and it set me off. It’s all about the Do’s and Don’ts of breaking up, by Cereal Daters
Which honestly, there are good ways and bad ways to break up. Ways to do it with the least damage to other person, and with the friendship you had somewhat still intact.
And it takes communication to do it.
This article, to me, is all that is wrong with breaking up… ok.. not all.. just some.
The article first states: “Don’t Tell Him“- which I assume is don’t tell him why you’re splitting, because not telling him you’re breaking up with him is just way too immature for words.
So let me address the “don’t give him the reasons”.. Depending on who you’re dating, reasons may or may not be needed. Some people really need them for closure. Sure leave off the stupid stuff that you know is going to light a fire (aka he leaves the seat up, his hairy ass is disgusting, or whatever) but explaining that the relationship is no longer good for you.. isn’t a bad idea. Whatever you do, make it clear that you’re moving on. Period. But do try to be nice about it, this is someone you used to care for. Treat them accordingly.
Next “Do Tell Your Homegirls” – Do tell your friends that you’ve split. Do not however bad mouth him to them unless you can back it up. Slander and rumors are never cool. Roasting him just because you no longer want to be his girlfriend/lover will only bite you in the ass later.. not to mention makes you look petty and bitter.
“Don’t play mom” – A girlfriend should never ever play mother to a man. Sorry. However, if you’ve been together for a while, and he truly needs your help with something that only you can help with.. Help him out. If he’s making crap up like he needs you to help him change his tire, give him the number to a towing company and be done with it. But if you’ve been together for a while, and his mother tragically dies soon after you’ve broken up and he wants you there for moral support (and you knew his family).. then be there.. platonically. No snuggling. No kissy. No pookie/sweety. If he’s throwing those kind of cards, walk out. You do need to stand your ground that its over.
“Don’t hang on to any sentimental items” – You had good times. You had bad times. No one is 100% bad 100% of the time. You’re going to have sentimental things. You’re going to grieve for the loss of those good times. Throwing away anything that reminds you of those good times seems a little overkill, but having a housefull of momentos isn’t healthy either. Pick a few good memories to keep if you’d like (especially anything of re-wearable value – aka jewelry) and pack them away some place that you’ll see them much less.
“Don’t convince yourself that you’re over-reacting” – WTF? This process should already be hashed out prior to saying goodbye. You made a choice. Stick to it. Remember your reasons for splitting. Take notes. Learn from your mistakes so you don’t do the same things in your next relationship.
“Do cut off all forms of communication” – Whoah dawgies. Do you seriously have some hate on for this guy? What did he do? Do not do this for most people that you break up with. This is only needed if the person is unhealthy to have in your life in any way. Aka drug dealer, drug addict, bad alcoholic, criminal behavior, etc. or you’re actually afraid for your life. (or in cases where the person has gone completely nutso and is now harassing and stalking you.)
Going this extreme with someone sane and loving, is a good way to get them to bad mouth you to everyone they know. Everyone they meet in the future… thats a lot of people. A lot of potential dates. Its a small world out there. Watch out what bridges you’re burning.
“Don’t think its okay to hang around mutual friends” – Friends are important. They will pick which side they’re on. Of course, you’re not going to be able to tell these friends all the sordid details of your breakup, save that for your own friends. But don’t throw the mutual friends out yet. Once the breakup is done, you may find they’re just as fun as they ever were.
I do agree with her on her last statement though..
“Do be strong… this is always easier said than done.”
My main advice for breaking up … is simple. Be nice. Be compassionate. Listen, but be unmovable. You’ve made up your mind. Stick to it. Wavering will only cause you and them much more heartbreak.