Jan 142010
 

I’m seriously swooning. So much that I’m a little scared by it.

I’ve been in awe of this guy for a while. I had a little bit of a crush I guess, though I’d never really thought of him as a viable candidate.

Then I read something he wrote. Something so raw and passionate.. so light yet dark.. that I realized he speaks my language.

I am scared.

We talked for a bit. The more we talked, the more scared I got. I like him.

I have lots of irons in the fire. Don’t get me wrong. I still have little fires going for several men.. several relatively safe men. Good men. Men that I can see myself being happy with, having fun with.. having a life with..

But this one.. this fire is dangerous. I’ve seen it before. I’ve been here before. This is the kind of fire that consumes all of you. All of you.

This fire has burned me bad every time I’ve succumbed to it. It’s so drawing that I don’t usually have a choice but to submit to it. To surrender.

The loveliest of times.. the strongest of passions.. the completest of loves.. Followed by the the most devastating of hurts.

Everything in me wants to run to him, and run away from him at the very same time. He reminds me of my greatest loves.

It’s that that scares me the most. (or maybe that the white coats are coming for me?)

***********

On a happy side note, his work (and I suppose himself as well if I’m really going to give credit where its due) is also inspiring me to write and create… and dream.. like I’ve not been able to in a long time. I suppose every scary thing has its silver lining.

Just knowing that a man like that exists.. well.. its enough for me.. for now. (you can also read this as me being too chicken to actively pursue things. bauk, bauck begauk)

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