Jan 242010
 

I am having a dark day. These kinds of days should motivate me to be better, do better, and fix the things in my life that make me sad. Should anyway.

But right now I’m overpowered by a complete sense of failure. No not just a sense of having failed in the past. But a sense of having failed, failing now, and no hope of not failing in the future.

Like I said. Dark Day.

I woke this morning with tears in my eyes. Tears brought on by the mere thought of “What am I going to do with my life?”

Followed by more tears and anxiety with the next thought of “I don’t know”.

Normally this would not get me down, and events like last night would be motivational.

Unfortunately the combination of last night, and yesterday’s experiment with something I’ve not tried before (mild allergic reaction) has caused today’s chemical alteration.

I have days like this. Just days. I know how to prevent them, but sometimes the urge to try something new gets the better of me. (Come on, who doesn’t like to try something new?)

Technically, today I’d pass as clinically depressed. I’m not suicidal, don’t worry. The darkness is never that ambitious. It merely likes to taunt and torture.

(funny, I feel it lifting as I type this. Hmm maybe I should keep a dark day journal)

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