Oct 222009

I’ve been asked several times or at least have heard it bandied about..

How do you meet so many men? Where can I meet someone to date?

Now I could merely say “Get Out There, baby!”, but thats a little condescendingly simple and not very helpful. Having plenty of time to waste “getting out there” helps a lot, but not everyone has that time, and there is only so long you can put off doing laundry or housework in order to put yourself out there.

So putting yourself out there takes a little consideration or you’d just spend your time fruitlessly, which half the time even if you choose how to spend your time wisely it will still be fruitless. So heres a few tips on how to make the best of it.

When I first got separated, I joined a ton of groups of various interests. Being married for so long, you start to forget what it is that you really like yourself and what things you grew to like because of your spouse or other pressures. So I wanted to get out there, see things, and learn more about me.

It is in these groups that I am meeting most of the men that I meet.

However.. and I cannot stress this strong enough.. Never join a group with the expressed interest to meet men/women. Well unless its a singles group, and then thats kind of the purpose of the beast.

Only join groups in which you will have an interest that it shared with the other members. Join groups that you will find fun, educational, and interesting. If you find a group that isn’t fun or interesting, quit it and find something more suited to you.

If I learned nothing else from my failed marriage, I learned this: Shared interests no matter how insignificant are key to developing relationship bonds.

Now if your only interests lie in things based in your own gender and you’re heterosexual, you may want to seek outside the box for groups. (If you’re a girl and only interest is knitting, pretty sure most of the men you meet knitting won’t be interested in you.)

So seek out unisex interests like book clubs, wine lovers, beer lovers, art lovers, happy hour, writing groups, philosophy discussion, hiking groups. Find something that you love and you’d love to share with your future partner. Even if s/he isn’t at that group event, you’ll enjoy yourself and maybe learn something.

And it may seem overly obvious, but its very true, people are attracted to people having fun. So its essential that you can have fun at the group in itself.

Shared Interests groups are also awesome for one other reason. They have built in icebreakers. In writing groups..”What do you write?” or “What are you working on now?” or even a more forward “I’d love to see your work.” In book clubs, you can ask their opinion on books. In alcohol lovers groups, you can ask what they’re drinking and what brands they enjoy. These groups make it much easier to start discussions.

Another plus to these groups is a key factor why often internet relationships fail. Mutual friends/aquantances. If you go to a group often enough, you’ll make friends with the same people. You’ll get to know a prospective partner not only through your one on one conversations but how they react to others and how others react to them. You’ll already have a base of friends in common to encourage you to work together.

It is also this base of mutual friends and the mutual love of the group that will keep both of you from moving too fast. You’ll get to know each other and have a better potential for a real relationship.

Other than joining groups, there are ways to meet people in other places, but its a little harder and you really have to keep your eyes open. These other places also will hold much more rejection and less common ground. Please keep in mind that these are places to keep your eyes open, not places to stalk prey. No one really wants to be prey. 🙂

Mailbox – If you live in a nice apt complex, time your mailbox visits to the time where the mailbox is the most busy thus giving you the chance to see your neighbors and maybe meet someone. (Do use caution with this one, since this person knows where you live, you’ll want to take things slow to make sure they’re not mentally ill or dangerous.)

Stores – Grocery stores, gas stations, etc. If you see someone you like, take a chance and make conversation. They may be married or taken, but you won’t know if you don’t try.

Nights Out – Restaurants, bars, etc. Bars are the least likely places to meet someone for a real relationship, but its still a possibility. Restaurants aren’t bad places though. Once you get over 30, many established men eat out alone as they may not cook.

Then there is the infamous Online Dating .. and well most of us know way more than we’d like about that.

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