Oct 152009

Yesterday, I wigged out. I have a million and one reasons why, including yesterday’s post topic, but most of those reasons are solved with a little pill called Benadryl.

What I did learn from yesterday is that:

1. Religion is much more important to me than I originally thought.

2. I’ve neglected my own spirituality. Partly because I really do not have many spiritual people in my life.

3. I should probably try/attempt to find a church in town again. If for no other reason to judge for myself if its nostalgia calling, or something thats right for me now.

Yesterday, I was very disproportionally concerned that Mr. Christian did not like me and that I’d offended him by a sarcastic email (meant to be humor). It consumed me.

At times, I can be a complete mental case and lucky for you all, I was one! 🙂

I drove myself crazy. I wasn’t living in the NOW. I didn’t ask myself the Four Questions that can change my life. Instead of seeking self-understanding in a productive way, I chose to drive myself nuts with “What is he thinking?”

Now had Mr Christian any idea of what I was thinking, he truly would be justified in getting out a restraining order.

Luckily for me, I came to my senses before actually doing anything rash. Yay me! (special thanks to my friends for bearing with me)

About half way through my wigout yesterday, I got a call from Mr. A (from Monday night’s costume shop event). We’d met Monday and went to dinner. Tuesday night he called me to say Hi and ask me about the iPhone. Wednesday night, he calls me to ask me out for Saturday.

Its been a while since I’ve seen such dedicated interest and planning in a man, which is why I said yes, despite my reservations that things will not work out.

It was this that knocked me somewhat back to my senses. Mr Christian had not asked me out nor had he called. Granted, Mr Christian has my email address and Mr A does not. Still, Mr Christian hasn’t stepped up… yet anyway.

I wondered to myself what in the hell had happened to me. A few weeks ago I wasn’t even sure I wanted a relationship at all. The mere thought of having to give up something or change my habits at all in order to accommodate another person into my life nearly had me breaking out in hives. And now I’m freaking out and obsessing over some guy (really great guy nonetheless but just a guy)?? I gave myself a time out, and watched TV. No thinking. No brooding. No obsessing. Total mind-numbing TV time.

I woke today back in Sanityville. Hopefully I stay here for a while. In the meantime, I do need to work on me and address my own spirituality issues.

Leave a Reply