Aug 122009

It’s been quiet here for a few days hasn’t it? I apologize. Well, not really, because I was off having tons of fun.

My best friend from college came to visit, and it seems we tried to relive our college days. We drank, and we drank. We chatted up hot men, and drank. We went to parties, and drank.

It’s actually come to a point where if I see alcohol, I get a little nauseated.

Things I learned:

1. I’m not that young anymore.

2. My liver is not that young anymore.

3. Being sick the next day is not worth it.

4. Sleep, and lots of it, is essential for mine (and others) well-being.

5. (repeat 1-4 until lesson is learned)

Now besides being sick all weekend with self-induced madness, we did have a ton of fun. But there was one more thing that I learned.

I’ve been out of the dating game too long.

While I learned a lot of things from my marriage and divorce, the 8 years of commitment to one person also took a toll on my skills. Dating skills it seems, if you don’t use them, you lose them.

My best friend has always been single. Sure she’s had her short bouts of committed dating relationships, but she’s never been married or in anything that long term. When we were in college, I would run circles around her in the “chatting up guys” department. Now, she’s had all these years to hone her approach, while I’ve been out of the loop.

She was fantastic. Her courage amazing. She would flirt with abandon with men she liked. If they took too long to ask her to dance, she’d ask them. I honestly was so awestruck that mostly I just sat there and watched.

As I watched her, I realized just how much of that I’d lost. The confidence, gone. Sure I’m much more self-confident than I ever have been, but confidence in approaching strange men for dances has been obliterated.

My former ability to flirt casually with just the right amount of wit, sexy, and sweet, has wilted into a small pile of silliness and friendship. While silliness and friendship worked well for me while I was married, its the “bringing the sexy back” that is truly the hardest part.

When you’re married, you’re not supposed to flirt sexy with strange men. You can flirt sexy with your spouse, or joke sexy with others that know you’re married and joking, but you can’t just flirt all sexy with random strangers (or you shouldn’t anyway). First I have to allow myself to “bring back the sexy” before I can truly re-master the skill.

It’s been getting out of this mindset of “couple” and truly and fully into the mindset of single.. that has shown me just how difficult this process is. Every day is a new step into being fully and truly single, I wonder when the process will be complete?

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